swedish

Just another thought--I understand your reasoning behind the severity of their punishment, but they may shut down even more and try to rebel (sneak out/etc) if it goes on for too long, especially if they do not see the end in sight. I would suggest using this time to do more family type or even better one on one things with the older kids. I had trouble getting my son to go to counseling so I sort of bribed him and said after the meeting we would go to dinner together. After a few weeks, we both looked forward to going because we had a nice quiet dinner afterward and could talk. Even lunch, bowling, mini-golf, batting cages or anything where you are focused on them in a fun & positive way. It won't take away from the punishments you have in place and may make them feel better about themselves and the family over time. I find it the best opportunity to just chat about the choices they make now and how their good choices will give them so many opportunities down the road (do well in school and you will have many more choices of what to do after you graduate, etc.) I have had conversations with all 3 of mine on becoming an adult & what it costs from month to month...I think they are all sold on the idea at this point that going to university for four years sounds like a much better plan then going off on their own and getting an apartment, job. Anyway, seems early for these talks, but I want them to know that they are important and their future is important and they have more control over their life than they might think. It's not so different than talking to your spouse when something is bothering you...if they know your intentions are all good they will be more apt to open up without fear of being yelled at or their feelings dismissed. Even though I look at my kids and think they've got it made, they also are going through puberty, trying to fit in at school, etc. and to them they may be dealing with a lot more than we sometimes give them credit for.