Originally Posted by lastinline

1. Sex is the number one crucial gateway to a man's emotional well being and the absolute center to an emotional connection to his wife. Unfortunately due to political correctness or whatever, sex today tends to be viewed as "dirty" or "bad" and, more often than not, ends up being nothing more than a carrot dangled by the wife as a reward or punishment to control a husband's behavior. When this happens, you get 99 percent of the problems you find on forums such as these. A husband gets resentful and withdraws to sports, hobbies, work, ANYTHING but his wife. And guess what, the wife resents this behavior, witholds sex, turns to friends, daytime television, food, ANYTHING to try to make herself feel better about her husband's rejection.

I agree with this statement 100%. My wife long ago became a mother to my children and ceased being a wife to me. I have become very resentful about "begging for sex", and it has poisoned the very well springs of our marriage.

Ironically, I also did retreat into a hobby/sport to fill the void. I took up martial arts years ago to "channel aggression". In response to my pawn to E4 move, my wife indeed took up both daytime television and turned to friends. This served to further widen the gulf between us.

In my estimation, I never rejected her. I would routinely approach her for sex, but she would be too tired, or worse consent but basically roll over and lay there. After a decade or so of this I just began to plan my exit strategy.

2. In an intimate relationship, especially behind closed doors, stereotypes are true. A man needs to be a man - to guide and be a leader, a woman needs to be a woman - she needs to feel protected and adored. A man's tendency, especially in these modern times, is to treat his wife like a business partner or fishing buddy. This is a good way to invite resentment and affairs into any marriage, no matter how strong or perfect it may look like on the outside.

I have tried to "make my wife my partner". I honestly thought that's what I was friggin supposed to do. I agree, it has lead to resentment, especially on my part because she doesn't seem to "step up". I feel I carry an inordinant amount of the load, and in essence she's little more than a parasite. Not exactly the most fertile ground for love/romance to bloom.

I just don't know where to go with my relationship at this point. I have been pressing hard towards divorce as she doesn't seem to want to compromise at all. I agree she feels completely insecure with me as I have repeatedly sent the message "you're not up to speed". This message has indeed lead to a further reduction in sex between us, actually exacerbating the original problem.

I honestly don't believe in unconditional love. There are certain deal breakers: cheating, substance abuse, and physical abuse. In my humble opinion withholding sex is a form of physical abuse.
I can hear the dissenters running towards me now shouting "but nobody's ever died or been sent to the E.R. from a lack of sex".

This may be technically true, but the medical literature is full of tremendous evidence that sex is important for everything from immune function to mental health. Furthermore, as someone who has trained for years in the fighting arts, I guartantee if I was so inclined, I could beat the bejesus out of someone if I desired, without leaving much in the way of physical evidence. Just because I'm not bleeding do not think for a moment I haven't been hurt. Sometimes the worst scars to bear are the ones on the inside.

That being said, I just don't know where to go from here. I have no emotional connection to my wife because I have no physical connection to her. It's that old, you need experience to get a job, but how can you get experience without a job thing.

Reconciliation seems to be off the table, leaving only separation and divorce in my estimation. Have I missed anything? LIL