Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

carmaenforcer · 07-17-2008, 11:50 AM

I'm also tired of getting upset. I'm a husband with a bad Wife though but can lay out a long list worth of complaints, some very similar to yours.
My Wife works like I do (same hours, medium stress desk jobs) I do all the cooking, save a rare moment when she helps out with starting the rice or cooks what she knows (Pancakes) for me.
She tried slipping into the bad habit of coming home taking over the TV with her Soap Channel stuff, and ignoring our little boy
1 1/2 year old, while I try to cook and watch him. I quickly brought up my dislike of the situation, the way it was deteriorating into something that I will simply not accept and her generally poor attitude all around. We fought about it for a while off and on, well she fought about it, I just made my case and stood my ground.
Now, a few months later, she comes home and doesn't automatically change the living room TV without asking if I'm watching it, she tries to keep our baby out of the kitchen when I'm cooking with oil, she doesn't yell at him when he's trying to play and she's watching a re-run of 90210 or when trying to put him down for a nap. All points that I chose to address and persist about months ago, all the fights are finally paying off.

Your husband working all day while you are at home, no matter how taxing being a SAHM may be, may be a reason for his wanting to and thinking he has the right to be a bum.
The fact that you are at home able to watch trash TV and Soaps and not out actively making money for your bills also may have your husband thinking that he is somehow owed and has the right to do nothing when home.

Breaking down all your and your husbands contributions to the house hold might not be a bad idea. Just be as fair and honest when making the list and have your discussion points ready before addressing any issue with your husband. This will save on undue arguing and overall time till acceptance and eventual progress.

Remind him how important having a family (you and the kids) is to him, it's easy to loose sight of what really matters in life, while busy working to pay bills and mortgages.
Do not however use withholding of sex or the threat of divorce as a tool in achieving your goals. You have to reach his heart in order to achieve real and long lasting changes.

07-17-2008, 11:50 AM	#3 (permalink)
carmaenforcer Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 152	Re: Tired of getting upset I'm also tired of getting upset. I'm a husband with a bad Wife though but can lay out a long list worth of complaints, some very similar to yours. My Wife works like I do (same hours, medium stress desk jobs) I do all the cooking, save a rare moment when she helps out with starting the rice or cooks what she knows (Pancakes) for me. She tried slipping into the bad habit of coming home taking over the TV with her Soap Channel stuff, and ignoring our little boy 1 1/2 year old, while I try to cook and watch him. I quickly brought up my dislike of the situation, the way it was deteriorating into something that I will simply not accept and her generally poor attitude all around. We fought about it for a while off and on, well she fought about it, I just made my case and stood my ground. Now, a few months later, she comes home and doesn't automatically change the living room TV without asking if I'm watching it, she tries to keep our baby out of the kitchen when I'm cooking with oil, she doesn't yell at him when he's trying to play and she's watching a re-run of 90210 or when trying to put him down for a nap. All points that I chose to address and persist about months ago, all the fights are finally paying off. Your husband working all day while you are at home, no matter how taxing being a SAHM may be, may be a reason for his wanting to and thinking he has the right to be a bum. The fact that you are at home able to watch trash TV and Soaps and not out actively making money for your bills also may have your husband thinking that he is somehow owed and has the right to do nothing when home. Breaking down all your and your husbands contributions to the house hold might not be a bad idea. Just be as fair and honest when making the list and have your discussion points ready before addressing any issue with your husband. This will save on undue arguing and overall time till acceptance and eventual progress. Remind him how important having a family (you and the kids) is to him, it's easy to loose sight of what really matters in life, while busy working to pay bills and mortgages. Do not however use withholding of sex or the threat of divorce as a tool in achieving your goals. You have to reach his heart in order to achieve real and long lasting changes.