bluegirl

I have been married for almost 5 hears. My husband and I have a baby (20 months). My husband has not really appeared interested in being intimate for a long time. He doesn't offer to hold hands, rarely wants to cuddle and hasn't initiated sex in almost 2 years. We have gone to counseling, and I have told him about my concerns many times. I am beginning to feel hopeless.

He says that he doesn't feel in the mood to be intimate when he is stressed or anxious or when I am upset or depressed or tired - or a slew of other reasons. The last few times I have brought up the subject of intimacy (let alone sex) he has gotten upset and mad, so I have given up trying to talk about it. Which makes me feel even more hopeless.

He works long hours (usually leaves home at ~9AM and returns by 10 or 11 PM most nights he works). He works 4 days a week, I work 3 (on opposite days) to keep our baby out of childcare. I do not think he is having an affair.

But, this problem was present long before the baby arrived. I have asked him if he no longer finds me attractive - he says that is not the problem - he just keeps saying that he feels that it is just the circumstances of our life (I have a hard time believing that). He says that he loves me, I hear the words, but I don't feel it in my heart.

If the shoe were on the other foot, and he had come to me multiple times, sad and upset over the lack of intimacy in our marriage - I would have bent over backwards to make sure that he knew that I did find him attractive and that I loved him and he was a priority in my life. But he has not done that.
Any insight from anyone who has experienced this?
Bluegirl