BlueCreek

First, congratulations for working so hard yourself. It shows that you understand it is rarely just one spouse that has to work to resolve problems. You're young and have learned a lesson already many people take a long time to understand.

Now, I know it sounds redundant here as everyone else has said the same thing, but you cannot change him. Until he wants to be different and really change, he won't. Oh sure, he'll say he will and things might be good for a bit, but it'll go back to the same old same old. That's not to say there might not be ways you can help get him to that point. He is definitely going through depression, and he may need counseling for that. If he's in school right now, get him to go to the school counselor. It's free and they are trained to help college age kids find direction in their life. I'm really sorry you spent a bunch of your savings on his loans though.

As for his weight. Tell him to wise up and stop starving himself. He has obviously not read a thing about losing weight if he thinks that will work. If he is serious about it, tell him to read a bit more first. He's going to college, he should know how to do even the smallest amount of research. The human body is designed to survive starvation. You stop eating and your metabolism plummets to conserve energy after about 3-4 hours (unless sleeping.) What's more, the energy your body does require at that point it starts taking from muscle mass and not fat. Starving WILL NEVER WORK long term. It might cause your weight to drop for a little bit, but it just causes you to lose muscle mass not fat, and you build up cravings (like sweets) that will drive you to eat all the wrong foods when you do crash and rebound. (99% of starvation diets end up when all is said and done with the person weighing more and having greater body fat.) And yes, starvation will make you irritable and depressed as well. If he's serious, tell him to do a little research first about proper eating habits to shed weight, and then tell him to start going to the gym, the college should have one and it won't cost you guys a penny. Exercising and eating right alone is a big help in fighting depression.

Last, but not least. Don't let him threaten to walk out on you as a way to win an argument or get his way ever again. It's possibly the lowest form of childish behavior by a spouse. It always reminds me of a kid yelling at his parent "I hate you! I hate you!" when he doesn't get his way. If he does that again, you should throw a bag in the car and let him know you're off to your family or friends house until he can stop acting like a child. Ok, I might be a bit harsh with that, but really, if you love your spouse, how can you possibly say something that so deliberately and painfully hurts them? People make that threat all the time to make a point or get their way and it astounds me to no end.