justean

ok, start with this then, what information do you actually want from her , we can go from there.
on a personal level i dont care about what my hubby did when we split up, or who he did things with. obviously its nice to know what he did when he was younger. but they are things, that are that, they are that persons past. when my hubby met me, that became our future. when we split up, i accepted when he met other women, we were that split up.
ok i admit of course it came up later, what doesnt, but things are said in jest rather than hurtful ways. but life in general is about your kids, relationships, holidays, time together. u really have to find that balance.
i sincerely think the information you want , is simply not required. some memories she may have , just may not be appropriate.
just an example - my mother in law is 78, she had a horrendous up bringing. only child . she absoultely hates christmas. as a child growing up on a farm, it wasnt christmas it was slaughter time , because ppl were wanting their christmas meats. from that early age , she was expected to kill them herself and watch her father.
ask her about her past, she really doesnt want to think about it.
i know is not her past - but the more you push it, you could actually cause more problems, because you wont let go.