blind

Bad Guy - Patience and Consistency. Let me say that again, PATIENCE AND CONSISTENCY. My story is very similar to yours (minus the alcohol). I was selfish and put nearly everything in my life before my wife. Years of resentment and hurt led to my wifes love for me dying. I'm doing my very best to save my marriage and it doesn't look good. But here is what I've come to realize. It took years to destroy my wifes love for me and I can't expect it to return in just a few weeks, months, or maybe even years. She will have a hard time returning to the marriage until she believes your changes are real. If she is like my wife, she will have a very difficult time opening herself up if she feels there is any chance of being hurt again. So, you must be patient and consistent.

You are now talking about giving up in part because you can't see effort from your wife. You don't feel like she is giving you a chance. I share those feelings often. Here is how I stay motivated. First, think about this. You still love her and want your family back. You want a happy and loving marriage. Despite this you are struggling with staying the course and putting forth the effort. Just think how hard it must be for your wife to put forth the effort after what she has been through. My wife doesn't love me. I can't imagine how hard it must be for her to muster much effort toward saving the marriage when I know how much I struggle finding the determination and effort. Second, if you give up, all the things you fear will happen. It may not work out despite your best and valiante efforts. But giving up pretty much guarantees failure.

Dig deep my friend, keep your nose to the grind, and be PATIENT and CONSISTENT! Stay away from the bottle, work on life long improvements in yourself, and fight to save your marriage. Your children, your wife, and yourself deserve every opportunity to save this relationship.

Blind