swedish

I don't think it's you at all. I am the same way and I think for me it had a lot to do with how I was raised. My parents didn't yell or call each other names so I am uncomfortable around people that are like that. Maybe it's all he knows and really does think it's normal, but to totally discount your feelings isn't helping.

The only person I can think of that has spoken to me that way is my eldest son (he's 18) and I've tried lowering my voice almost to a whisper when he's like this. I've also tried just saying "I won't be spoken to that way. When you calm down and can talk in a reasonable manner, we can talk about this"

It really came down to how I reacted to him. Even if what he was yelling about seemed totally irrational to me and I could tell him why, I realized that would just continue his rant because he wasn't in a place to listen to anything I had to say anyway. I just stopped responding. At first he yelled about that..."ANSWER ME ANSWER ME...blah blah" but I stuck to my guns and it did help. When he was calm (usually a few hours later) I dreaded even bringing it back up but asked if he wanted to talk and for the most part he could stay calm and talk at that point.

To me name-calling even in an agument shows lack of love and respect. I'm guessing to your husband it's just venting and to him doesn't mean anything, but it's a shame he doesn't take how you feel into account.