Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

AZMOMOFTWO · 07-25-2008, 04:41 AM

Tonight my husband said he wanted to go have a drink with the neighbor. No problem. I stayed home with the kids. 3 1/2 hours later I heard them pull up but he didn't come in so I went outside and found him with the neighbor, his wife, and an 18 year old girl at best he has comitted emotional infidelity with at worse....

This is a girl he has texted over 700 times a month and this started when she was 16! She was our babysitter. Back then I told him it hurt me and it wasn't right, she's a kid. He said she's a friend, she texts him but he stopped until a few months ago. As our marriage is falling apart I said we can't put it back together with her in the picture, he agreed to stop all contact.

So his story is the guy invited him for a drink, his wife decided to join, she brought the girl (they are best friends) and he was not about to get out of the car. He had no idea the girl was coming.

I said you just went out with a girl you promise no contact with. I am leaving on a trip next week for six days I asked if it would happen again, he said I can't promise if she and the wife join us what am I supposed to not have friends.

Am I the one wrong here? He got angry with me! I really can't do this, if he's going to have contact with her then I want out. I also have needs, and the need to have my husband remain faithful to me is a huge one. At best I was completely left out, they all used to hang out in front of the house drinking (yeah the girl is under 21 smart huh!) except the friend, the husband usually went to bed early! So how can I not be mad but he told me he doesn't see it that way.

I had just promised myself today to back off and not talk about our issues or relationship for the next 30 days and then we had this the very same day. I also told myself give it the next month I will be gone for six of those days maybe absence will make the heart grow founder,or maybe absence will me the girl ends up in bed with him???

I am starting to wonder that he is too worried about money to make the split and that is the only reason why he is here. At one time I'd mentioned me staying with my parents and he did not say no, but to him leaving he can't do that....he said because he needs his tools etc for the job.

I worry about the children which I now have the responsibility for about 95% of their care and emotional support. So as the wife I should say, sure go have friends and if the 18 year old girl happens to hop in the car with you its not your fault. Meanwhile he's stopped being interested in sex except once in awhile (ironic despite the fact that after working on mself I look and feel great) he does show me affection, hugging, kissing that kind of thing. Then I cook all the meals, clean up, run the kids to all activities, manage the bills, and the finances for his business and I work just as many hours as he does (and I earn quite a bit more than he does).

I have the need to feel loved, appreciated, desired, and someone who I know is my friend. I'm not sure how long I keep myself in this relationship essentially denying myself of what I could have while he puts in zero effort. He says he's trying but I'm not sure what it is he is doing....

Tonight I am so hurt I think when I get back from the trip insisting that he move out. I think I have grounds to make that happen but he could always refuse to leave. I know I will be primary caretaker of my two kids so I need the house and I don't want to take them out of it. But do I stick with my original plan and force myself to wait the 30 days. I told myself if there was a tiny improvement then I'd give it more time but I think I am absolutely dying inside. I sleep not at all now, maybe 1-2 hours a night, I think about this all the time its interfering with work, I snap at my kids, and in the beginning I'd wanted to lose a few pounds, now weight drops off every day because I can't eat. I got up this morning at 6am and hiked, it felt so good but I nearly collapsed as my legs were shaking so badly and I thought when was the last time I'd eaten? It was about 20 hours ago!

Advice pleeeezzzz!

07-25-2008, 04:41 AM	#1 (permalink)
AZMOMOFTWO Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 303	He's Cheating...so now what? Tonight my husband said he wanted to go have a drink with the neighbor. No problem. I stayed home with the kids. 3 1/2 hours later I heard them pull up but he didn't come in so I went outside and found him with the neighbor, his wife, and an 18 year old girl at best he has comitted emotional infidelity with at worse.... This is a girl he has texted over 700 times a month and this started when she was 16! She was our babysitter. Back then I told him it hurt me and it wasn't right, she's a kid. He said she's a friend, she texts him but he stopped until a few months ago. As our marriage is falling apart I said we can't put it back together with her in the picture, he agreed to stop all contact. So his story is the guy invited him for a drink, his wife decided to join, she brought the girl (they are best friends) and he was not about to get out of the car. He had no idea the girl was coming. I said you just went out with a girl you promise no contact with. I am leaving on a trip next week for six days I asked if it would happen again, he said I can't promise if she and the wife join us what am I supposed to not have friends. Am I the one wrong here? He got angry with me! I really can't do this, if he's going to have contact with her then I want out. I also have needs, and the need to have my husband remain faithful to me is a huge one. At best I was completely left out, they all used to hang out in front of the house drinking (yeah the girl is under 21 smart huh!) except the friend, the husband usually went to bed early! So how can I not be mad but he told me he doesn't see it that way. I had just promised myself today to back off and not talk about our issues or relationship for the next 30 days and then we had this the very same day. I also told myself give it the next month I will be gone for six of those days maybe absence will make the heart grow founder,or maybe absence will me the girl ends up in bed with him??? I am starting to wonder that he is too worried about money to make the split and that is the only reason why he is here. At one time I'd mentioned me staying with my parents and he did not say no, but to him leaving he can't do that....he said because he needs his tools etc for the job. I worry about the children which I now have the responsibility for about 95% of their care and emotional support. So as the wife I should say, sure go have friends and if the 18 year old girl happens to hop in the car with you its not your fault. Meanwhile he's stopped being interested in sex except once in awhile (ironic despite the fact that after working on mself I look and feel great) he does show me affection, hugging, kissing that kind of thing. Then I cook all the meals, clean up, run the kids to all activities, manage the bills, and the finances for his business and I work just as many hours as he does (and I earn quite a bit more than he does). I have the need to feel loved, appreciated, desired, and someone who I know is my friend. I'm not sure how long I keep myself in this relationship essentially denying myself of what I could have while he puts in zero effort. He says he's trying but I'm not sure what it is he is doing.... Tonight I am so hurt I think when I get back from the trip insisting that he move out. I think I have grounds to make that happen but he could always refuse to leave. I know I will be primary caretaker of my two kids so I need the house and I don't want to take them out of it. But do I stick with my original plan and force myself to wait the 30 days. I told myself if there was a tiny improvement then I'd give it more time but I think I am absolutely dying inside. I sleep not at all now, maybe 1-2 hours a night, I think about this all the time its interfering with work, I snap at my kids, and in the beginning I'd wanted to lose a few pounds, now weight drops off every day because I can't eat. I got up this morning at 6am and hiked, it felt so good but I nearly collapsed as my legs were shaking so badly and I thought when was the last time I'd eaten? It was about 20 hours ago! Advice pleeeezzzz!