ljtseng

I, too had a bad childhood. I am extremely sensitive. My relationship with my husband is the first 'real' one ive been in. If my husband was having a secret conversations with another girl and he had a history of cheating, I'd be pissed, and that's putting it lightly. His rationality for why he hid it from me would be dust in the wind. And in the not so distant past I would have packed up my stuff and driven half way across the country to my mom's house. i've left him more times then i can remember. i have no ring because i threw it out the window. I havent gotten another one because i'm pretty sure it would end up down the drain. I've filed for divorce because he didnt talk to me when i thought he should have. I have a rage in me that is easily triggered and not usually justified. It's a fight or flight syndrome.

I've been with him for three years or so. Luckily now I can laugh about all my eccentricities. He understandably is still having a little post traumatic stress from it all.

I'm extremely more mellow these days. I did a ton of reading about boundaries. I learned to respect who i was, what i needed, and stop doubting myself. I learned to give myself what i needed instead of expecting it from my husband. I can recognize when his actions cross my boundaries and I can react appropriately. I still do fly off the handle sometimes, but i accept that im human, i learn from it and move on.

The problem is not in what you're feeling, but in how you are reacting to what you are feeling. Your insecurities are justified on so many levels. Learning about boundaries will give you tools that will help to manage how you feel. It will help you sort out what emotions are your responsibility and help you understand what you can expect from others.

-lj