Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

brighterlight · 01-20-2010, 04:00 PM

cyp10,

Time away to reconnect is a great idea. My W cheated on me several years ago and I will never forget the pain and the feeling of betrayel. I know, I've been there; you can get past this but it is up to you and how much you are willing to let go. Forgiveness does not mean you forget. My W and I are doing great and our marriage is today much stronger than it was in the few years before her A; but that does not mean that I never have recurring thoughts about the ordeal. I will never forget but I have truly and open heartedly forgiven. I can live with that. If you still love him, and you want to keep and mend your marriage, pushing away for a long period of time will just delay your reconciliation with him. Don't despair on what you have been through, as another post on here mentioned, you are one of MANY that have had this happen to them.

I did want to make one comment on Atholk's remarks though. He does have some valid arguements in his post - there is a VERY strong biological/physiological drive in men (more in men because we are visual creatures) to mate with the a female. We do not require conversation, emotional attachment, etc. as women mostly do. If she did indeed throw herself naked at him in this private situation, I can vouch that there are not many men alive that would be able to turn down such a situation. He was just unfortunate enough (depends on how you look at it) to have had this thrown at him. I honestly can say that I don't know if I would have been able to turn her down - depending on the situation at hand. I hate to say that but it is a terrible situation to be in actually. More than likely, knowing me, I would have turned her down, especially with a pregnant wife but in all honesty, without being there and it happening to me, I can not say.

With all that aside, he has no excuse and what he did was wrong but the only way for you to move on with your marriage is to start to mend it; and you can not start to mend it if you are keeping him away from you. The getaway for you two that you are going to have can really turn out to be a huge step in the right direction for you and him. Making up also has its rewards; you will see. Good luck.

01-20-2010, 04:00 PM	#8 (permalink)
brighterlight Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Texas Posts: 906	Re: husband had a one night stand cyp10, Time away to reconnect is a great idea. My W cheated on me several years ago and I will never forget the pain and the feeling of betrayel. I know, I've been there; you can get past this but it is up to you and how much you are willing to let go. Forgiveness does not mean you forget. My W and I are doing great and our marriage is today much stronger than it was in the few years before her A; but that does not mean that I never have recurring thoughts about the ordeal. I will never forget but I have truly and open heartedly forgiven. I can live with that. If you still love him, and you want to keep and mend your marriage, pushing away for a long period of time will just delay your reconciliation with him. Don't despair on what you have been through, as another post on here mentioned, you are one of MANY that have had this happen to them. I did want to make one comment on Atholk's remarks though. He does have some valid arguements in his post - there is a VERY strong biological/physiological drive in men (more in men because we are visual creatures) to mate with the a female. We do not require conversation, emotional attachment, etc. as women mostly do. If she did indeed throw herself naked at him in this private situation, I can vouch that there are not many men alive that would be able to turn down such a situation. He was just unfortunate enough (depends on how you look at it) to have had this thrown at him. I honestly can say that I don't know if I would have been able to turn her down - depending on the situation at hand. I hate to say that but it is a terrible situation to be in actually. More than likely, knowing me, I would have turned her down, especially with a pregnant wife but in all honesty, without being there and it happening to me, I can not say. With all that aside, he has no excuse and what he did was wrong but the only way for you to move on with your marriage is to start to mend it; and you can not start to mend it if you are keeping him away from you. The getaway for you two that you are going to have can really turn out to be a huge step in the right direction for you and him. Making up also has its rewards; you will see. Good luck.