Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

DaisyJane56 · 07-26-2008, 06:25 PM

nidal, some people can spend a lifetime waiting for someone to change. Like the actress you mentioned...she waisted all her time and engery and still she ended up getting a divorce. That's okay as long as she is willing to do that.

My breast cancer history? It doesn't affect how I treat my husband, or our finances, or whether I tell him the truth. That is something I cannot control. His addiction, IS something that ONLY HE can control. So comparing my breast cancer history to his addiction isn't anything alike.

Love isn't T I M E....Love is being honest and being able to completely trust the one you love. If you have not trust, you have nothing. Sure it takes time to make some things work, but I could spend the rest of what "time" I have left and it doesn't matter because addiction doesn't give into time...Addiction controls everything in it's path and only the addict can fix it. I've stood by my husband for 15 years, first with alcohol and now the drugs. I think I've definately given him "time" to over come his addiction or desire to get high and in a different frame of mind.

When we got married, I had absolutely no idea he was an alcoholic. I had no idea he drank like a fish, but once we got married, his own family told me about his drinking. So no, i didn't just accept something because I was blindly in love with him. He lied, conned, mislead me when we dated. He didn't drink when he was around me (which was only on the weekend because we lived 200 miles apart and only saw each other on the weekend).

Yes, there are addicts that do make it. yes there are programs out there to help addicts over come their addictions. But the key here is the addict has to WANT it bad enough. And so far my husband hasn't wanted it bad enough to work a program and stay with the program. He works at it for about 2 weeks and then slacks off and starts thinking he's got it licked when in fact, he doesn't.

For what it's worth...his first wife divorced him because of his drinking. I figured this out about 5 years into our marriage. his son was only 2 years old when she divorced him. His family knows he has a problem and yes he admitts he has a problem, but until HE can and is willing to do something about it and stick with it...my hands are tied.

Do I love him? I love him, but I also love myself too and in order for me to be the best person i can be, I have to now take control of me and do whatever will make me happy because obviously he can't seem to make me happy anymore.
But thanks for your comments...it does give me something to think about...actually it kinda makes me want to walk away even more.

07-26-2008, 06:25 PM	#12 (permalink)
DaisyJane56 Registered User Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 7	Re: Is it my hormones or my marriage? nidal, some people can spend a lifetime waiting for someone to change. Like the actress you mentioned...she waisted all her time and engery and still she ended up getting a divorce. That's okay as long as she is willing to do that. My breast cancer history? It doesn't affect how I treat my husband, or our finances, or whether I tell him the truth. That is something I cannot control. His addiction, IS something that ONLY HE can control. So comparing my breast cancer history to his addiction isn't anything alike. Love isn't T I M E....Love is being honest and being able to completely trust the one you love. If you have not trust, you have nothing. Sure it takes time to make some things work, but I could spend the rest of what "time" I have left and it doesn't matter because addiction doesn't give into time...Addiction controls everything in it's path and only the addict can fix it. I've stood by my husband for 15 years, first with alcohol and now the drugs. I think I've definately given him "time" to over come his addiction or desire to get high and in a different frame of mind. When we got married, I had absolutely no idea he was an alcoholic. I had no idea he drank like a fish, but once we got married, his own family told me about his drinking. So no, i didn't just accept something because I was blindly in love with him. He lied, conned, mislead me when we dated. He didn't drink when he was around me (which was only on the weekend because we lived 200 miles apart and only saw each other on the weekend). Yes, there are addicts that do make it. yes there are programs out there to help addicts over come their addictions. But the key here is the addict has to WANT it bad enough. And so far my husband hasn't wanted it bad enough to work a program and stay with the program. He works at it for about 2 weeks and then slacks off and starts thinking he's got it licked when in fact, he doesn't. For what it's worth...his first wife divorced him because of his drinking. I figured this out about 5 years into our marriage. his son was only 2 years old when she divorced him. His family knows he has a problem and yes he admitts he has a problem, but until HE can and is willing to do something about it and stick with it...my hands are tied. Do I love him? I love him, but I also love myself too and in order for me to be the best person i can be, I have to now take control of me and do whatever will make me happy because obviously he can't seem to make me happy anymore. But thanks for your comments...it does give me something to think about...actually it kinda makes me want to walk away even more.