help2008

This is going to be a long post because I feel that all the info will help others understand better. Please dont be quick to reply if you dont read it all.

I've been married for 3 years now and have a 3 year old son, my wife and I have been together nearly 5 years. This last year we've been drifting apart. I already have recognized that I didnt give her enough attention and didnt show her I cared lately. But so much has happened recently that I just dont know what to do anymore. A month ago we had been fighting about what I call normal married people stuff and my wife told me that a girl from work revielded she was in love with her. I asked then if my wife liked her back and she said no and that nothing would happen. Almost every weekend she would go out with her friends to do stuff, like rafting, dancing, etc. And this other girl would always be there too. I always let her go out because I trusted her and thought it was what she liked doing. I dont even remember how now, but it came to my attention that my wife was also in love with this other girl. I knew that my wife was always bi curious and it didnt bother me, we had even breifly talked about explloring that together. (every mans dream right) but it just wasnt like that for me, it was more of something to let her explore and we could go through together. But because we had been agrueing so much lately she was very quick to leave me for this other girl. She said that this girl was romantic and understanding to her. Ofcourse I though I was being the same way, but obviously not. We fought alot about this situation and it came down to who did she want me or her. Well I lost and went to my dads house to live and we agreed that I would still get my son every night. We work split schedules me during the day and her at night, so no babysitter is ever used. I was not gone long when my wife called me at work to tell me to come home, and ofcourse I was very happy to do that, but we never talked about what happened. So I would ask about it and never get anywhere, she just didnt want to talk about it. I new some of the problems were with me, so I took her out and showed her a great time for many different days. I did everything I could to show her I loved her and treated her like a godess. Which she said that now she could see that I cared like I did back when we were first married. I still pushed as to why she left me though and eventually got some info out of her. She was confused an who she was, she didnt know who to love and who loved her more. She was confused about her sexuality becuase she liked both me and this other girl so much. She revealed what happened between this other girl and her, and it was really upsetting to me. She talked through e-mails about sex with her and being together. She told me she never had sex with the other girl but did kiss and be romantic with her. I felt this was cheating because so much of it happened before I moved out. I have recovered from all of this because she told me that she no longer loves this other girl and loves me. We had even talked about removing this other girl from our lives so we could move on. But now my wife says she cant remove her from our lives that she still cares about this girl, she says not love her but cares about her. She still talks with her all through the week and has started to lie to me about little things. I still take her out every weekend for good times and still show her romance and even talked about having another baby. But its like im the 3rd person in some wierd 3 way marriage and I always get last place. My wife still leaves to talk to her and goes other places with out me, like right now she left to her sisters beacuse she needed space. She wont come home to even have dinner with me and refuses to tell me when she will be home. This whole time I've been offering anything she needed, my support, my understanding, my listening, and she just never tells me whats going on. She always says something to get her out of talking, "its late and Im tired", "I have to go to work", "Im confused and dont know" etc. I dont want to be selfish, but I think that now I'm doing all the work to try and be with her and she's doing nothing. I dont even think she loves me at all, even though everyday she says she does. The amount of little stupid lies are so much that she doesnt even match what she says now. She never used to lie and she knows that the one thing I hate to most is lieing, I think maybe she does it on purpose now. I catch her in one and she says she lied because she didnt want to hurt me. something like "I'm going to see my sister a a bit and I'll be home asap", then I call her and shes over at her sisters friends house drinking and tells me she doesnt know when she'll be home. That doesnt matter to me as much as the fact that she lied about it does. Honestly I could fill you in on even more things but it would be a book to read and reply too. I just need some one to talk to, I dont have very many friends and this matter I dont think is their speciality. She talks about everything with this other girl and never anything with me. I dont know how we'll ever get anywhere like this. My wife is the love of my life and I know that I want to be with her forever and I cant even think about being with out her. I just want to know what to do to keep her with me and happy. I've looked up some counseling/therapy but I doubt she would even go with me and its so expensive for just me to go and possible still not get anywhere. I still might give it a shot this week, but Im so sacred that she just doesnt want to be with me anymore and wont tell me. I'd do anything to stay with her, even just to be her room mate so I could be with her and my son. My heart has been shattered and then stomped on so much and I just dont know how long I can take it before something bad happens. Please I just need someone to help me talk about this and give things to try, I really need help and want to help my wife. Thank you