yah, i do think i have to start with the honesty part, but as for trying to get to the bottom of the why's and figuring out the how's of a conversation with both my wife and gf its getting more and more complicated to the point where i just get lost in it all.
i keep going from the 'ok, i'm just gonna say how i feel' to 'wait, i dont know what to say' flip-flop. it seems like the more i think about it, the harder it gets to try to try to verbalize everything or even pick a logical starting point for the conversation.
i really really wasnt expecting this 'open marriage' concept to be so complicated... i mean, if its open, then it should be completely open... right now, this doesnt feel very open to me at all and maybe i'm just not thinking about it the right way or not ready for it in the way i thought i would be. i mean, in terms of me and my wife i shouldnt be feeling guilt about acting on an open invitation from my wife, but i do.
if my wife wants an open marriage, gives me permission to date, tells me that i can use my best judgement in telling her or not telling her about whats going on with me and a gf, it should not (in theory) be this difficult no navigate this whole situation. well, aside from the fact that i kind of missed the ball in telling the gf about my marriage, but thats not really something that my wife should be worried about or needs to know about anyways... or does she?
anyways, i do agree that i need to be open with the gf and really get to the bottom of my wife's side about this whole open marriage thing (without telling her about the gf, yet)... i'm just afraid that if i go ahead an be completely open and honest and give any specifics about the gf to my wife (her age, where we went, what we did) when/if she asks, that there will *always* either be jealousy or resentment on her end (or weirdness on my end) creeping into the relationship... it may not, but i'm willing to bet it will... even if its on some low level.
after what i've been going through this whole situtaion, i just cant believe now that a woman/man can be 100% not affected by their marriage partners being with another person (call me crazy) and once theres a third party introduced into a relationship, the relationship between the first two members will always different from that point on. right now its all on my side and if this early long distance relationship with the girlfriend just fizzles out and goes nowhere, then will it have been worth all of the drama caused by getting into the specifics of me and the gf with my wife?
i just dont know...
...being chronically indecisive doesnt help this situation either
