ljtseng

This sounds like the situation me and my DH are currently in. My DH is unbelievably apologetic when he thinks he's going to lose me. He'd do absolutely anything i asked him to right now. In a way that pisses me off. I dont know if your wife is feeling the same things, but for me when my DH sprays me with apologies only when his own emotional well-being has come under fire, I dont believe a word that comes out of his mouth. I dont want to hear him say, dont leave me, im so sorry i hurt you, i cant live without you, i'll do anything if you stay with me. how selfish. and once his well-being is nicely intact again the stimulus for him to give me the emotional support i need will also be out the window. he'll go right back to his old ways.

i dont mean to be harsh. I know you are under a huge amount of stress and pain from your situation. I just thought maybe hearing exactly what someone on the opposite side of the situation is really thinking would help.

Think about it this way. You are starting from square one. It is very similar to having just met and you know you want to be with her. What would happen if you put all your emotional baggage on a her and smothered her with how much you need her when you first started dating? She wouldn't want to be with you. If my DH started treating me now the way he treated me when we were first dating, I'd forgive him for just about anything.

Show her that you are improving yourself. You've made a great start by coming here and reaching out for advice. Talk to her about the things you're learning and ask her opinion on different topics-especially one's you notice are of interest to her. And not just relationship topics. Bring up what she says a couple days later and ask her something else about it. If my HD would do something similar id be thrilled. Go to a counselor, get relationship books (and actually read them), and take care of your appearance.

If my HD did these things then I would know i could start to trust him again.

-lj