To answer your questions, I don't know. That's why I've been unwilling yet to make the next step. The only answer I do know, is I don't want THIS marriage. The way it is now. I'm not one who will settle and say no matter what just as long as we stay married. I deserve/want better than this. I want a man who will fight for me (I mean that in the sense of he'll put me first), caring, loving, committed, loving, and is good for my children. Right now my husband is not any of these so no I don't want this marriage. I've backed off, I'm not going to try. If he decides he wants to fix it then I'll be his partner. Part of me thinks because I try so hard and I am here, he feels he can deal out the emotional abuse and I will take it. He should know me better than that, because I will for a time but that time is almost over. That doesn't mean our marriage is over, but I think I've come to the point of having the courage to asking him to leave. Right now he's decided to pop in and out at will. How fair is that to me, its actually pretty cruel. Last night he left with only the clothes on his back, a phone, and a loaded .45 with the words "I'll see you in the morning". I was so scared I ran after him, and then I didn't know how to ask if he planned to kill himself. When I stopped him, I just said "you have the pistol" and he said "you don't have to worry about THAT. I would never do THAT. Not even close. Its for my own protection." So how did he know what was on my mind unless it was on his. I stayed up all night wondering if the police might call....he deliberately let me know he brought the .45 so did he intend to inflict that kind of pain on me???? So confused. Also I would not rule it out at this point, he's unpredictable.
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Originally Posted by Deejo
AZMO, I struggle with the perception that the harder you try - the less likely you are to get the outcome you're looking for.
The dynamic of your relationship sounds similar to my own. We consistently share 'moments' of grace and love - but they just don't keep.
I am all for focusing tremendous energy and effort to salvage a damaged relationship. But, there comes a point where you need to honestly evaluate where you are, and determine if the energy and effort expended translates into a more positive, loving, and nurturing marriage. Can you count on your spouse being engaged in the process of reforging love and commitment? For how long? A year? A month? An afternoon?
Deep down, do you believe that you should let this thing go, or keep fighting to stay together - regardless of what 'together' may mean?
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