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I don’t know where to begin, so I guess I will start with a bit about my wife and me.


My wife: a year younger than me. At times also lived in a single parent home, her mother was also very abusive but not as much physical as my mother but more verbal and emotional – Her mother hardly told her that she loved her or hardly gave any affection, she has 2 older brothers and 1 younger brother, they took care of themselves growing up, she’s smart, she finished high school while I worked, she has no interest in college, and has no other big interests in life other than keeping track of movie stars and TV. She’s more of an extrovert, while at times, I am the opposite. Like me she’s also very dysfunctional. Unlike me, she has a hard time showing emotion to me or to the kids.

Me: Only child, grew up in a single parent home. Mother worked two jobs and was hardly ever home. By 12 yrs old I became a problem child. By 14 I ended up living on the streets or at times with friends. I was in the correctional system off and on till I was 22. I met my wife very young and we had our first child very young. Over the years God was very vigilant over me and things changed. I matured a bit, became a bit more responsible, finished high school; although it was late, still taking classes in college when I can, and I manage to get a career in the pharmaceutical field as a research assistant. Through out all of this I know that I am not perfect and I have many personal issues that I still need to work on – although I’m still very dysfunctional in many areas. More importantly I have a hard time trusting people, yet even so I do my best to stay positive and strive for the best.

Okay now for the story and I will try to make this as short as possible (key word being “try”)…

Over the years, like almost everyone else, we’ve had our share of ups and downs in the relationship from cheating, to lying, disrespecting each other, and so on and so on, but about 8 years or so ago, just a bit after we got married, we vowed to each other to personally change that which was negatively affecting the relationship. And that is just what we did or at least what I did, but unfortunately for me she did not, at least not entirely. Over the last 8 years I have had a hard time in dealing with my wife. Lots of things have become more apparent to me in terms of her personality, character, and her affection for my kids and towards me.

One of the main issues is that she doesn’t really show any affection or emotion, or has a weird way of showing it. This has bothered me for so long now. Some other problem areas in the relationship are that I have caught her lying about the littlest things, she has a spending problem, and she belittles me in arguments. These are just some of the problems I deal with often. Ultimately these problem areas will eventually be the catalyst to a major argument. We go through this long process which basically goes like this…

We fight, exchange words, ignore each other for a number of days, during which, about every other hour or so she will half-heartedly attempt to diffuse the situation, I don’t give in and continue to ignore her out of anger and frustration, she goes back to watching TV or acts as if nothing is going on, this frustrates me more and then eventually we repeat, and at some point in the process I let her know that her affection towards us and the way she deals with the relationship is the problem. She’ll then admit to the problems, make promises to change, and does for about a couple of weeks then she’s back to her old self again.

This is basically what I constantly have to deal with. Some other things that really get to me are that she hardly calls me when I am gone, she says she can’t have the phone at work yet she will call other people and text them often. She doesn’t know my work number or the name of my company, we have nothing in common, I haven’t told her I love her for almost 4 yrs now, I haven’t kissed her in 3 yrs, and I haven’t worn my ring in 6 yrs and yet she acts as if nothing. Lately I have had such on odd feeling that she had been up to something but I couldn’t place it. On our recent cell phone bills I noticed that she was receiving text messages at odd times and often. Her behavior was out of place and so I confronted her about it. She assured that nothing was going on and that the calls between her and the guy texting were work related. When I had her call the guy in my presence to find out what the text messages were about, her behavior changed, the guy mentioned something about going to deliver some packages together, and she quickly changed the subject, and this is when it seemed to me that he caught on and did so as well. Later on she promises that they are not up to anything and that she never delivered anything with him, but later admits to me, after constant harassment from me because I suspect something, that they did deliver a package together but says they didn’t do anything inappropriate. My point being – why lie if it was all innocent. I would have believed her if she would have stated that to begin with.

Longer story short, this has become a long repetitive process and I am fed up and want to leave her – the problem is it’s hard for me to let go, it eats me up inside all day, it has affected my jobs, my personality, my character, my health. I feel alone and afraid to move out and move on. Most of all I don’t know where to begin the exit process and I hate the idea of how she will act once I am gone – because I know it will be as if nothing major has changed, and that is what kills me most. What do I do!? I know I don’t love her like I use to and I know I need to move on. I have very little money saved, I only work part time now and worst of all I live in Expensive California.