Leahdorus

Thank you, Amp, for your thoughtful reply. Yes, the affair (which lasted for 3 weeks and included only 2 in-person encounters) was about 8 months ago. Hubby and I have never fought about anything. He avoids conflict like the plague (which of course contributed to this whole thing) and doesn't fight. We were really good friends before I abused his trust. Now, the friendship is gone but he's still nice to me. He says he doesn't want to do anything to hurt me, but I think that's part of the conflict avoidance. But we are cordial with each other, but distant. He's pulling farther away now though.

Last night, husband and I talked a little bit about details of how we'd handle a separation.

He did say that he wasn't ready to end the relationship right now. That gives me a little hope. When I asked what his goal was for separating, his answer was, "Well, it's the only thing we haven't tried yet." When asked how long he was expecting this to go on, he wasn't sure, but thought that he would re-evaluate things with the therapists at the end of October, before the holidays really get going. He clarified that it didn't mean he wasn't going to counseling in the meantime, just that he wasn't going to make any decisions until then. That also seems like a good thing to me.

He's definitely pulling away from me much much more in the past few days. I have been doing the same, probably to protect myself. I guess I will try to be more supportive and engage more, but it's hard when I get no sleep (insomnia now) and have no appetite and just want to stare at the wall, unmoving.

Because of the cost (we live in a very expensive part of the country) of renting a 2 bdrm apartment, he suggested we take turns being at home with our son, while I stay with my father and he stays with friends. I think this sounds better for our son, but I also think that it isn't going to give him the space he thinks he needs. You aren't really alone to think when you're camping at a friend's house for a week at a time, in my opinion. But otherwise, we have an additional $2000+/month expense of renting a place, which makes finances really tight, on top our our mortgage. He also seems very anxious to get this started asap. I told him I wanted to talk it through with our counselor first, but our next appt is not til late next week. He didn't seem happy about that, but I said we need to have it all thought through before we break it to the kiddo. He's going to have a million questions and we should be prepared with answers. Hubby thought it would be good to plan a few family activities for the 3 of us on weekends, to help our son feel more secure. I think it could be very confusing for him (and me!) but I am up for trying anything at this point.

I want him to miss me, to miss the friend he had in me, and I hope some time away from me will help him realize that he does miss that friend. I'm still the same person I was before this all happened, only now I have a better grasp of the big picture. I just hope it's not too late to repair things.

thanks again, and sorry this is so long.