Well, after much detective work I finally found what I feel prooves my husband had an affair last year, (and I believe is still in contact with her over in China) He has continued to deny and lie to me about everything, even telling me I was "fabricating this whole thing" and it was all "in my head".
I have found several signs that indicated it, but none until now that was proof. In one of his little books he keeps for his work were three pages of "notes" of things he was planning to say to her.
He wrote: "I'm looking for someone in China I can both learn from and teach. Someone to nurture and develop a relationship with. The minute I saw you..
I don't know the culture so I was not sure if I was pushing too hard or not hard enough ...
You said last night you felt you were wasting a lot of your time here and you were considering putting all your time into your studies and I recommended against it. Perhaps you could cut back on your hours here (she worked for him doing odd jobs, cleaning, shopping, etc. and is a medical student) and we could spend time together doing things.
I just wanted to know if this is possible with you"
On another page he wrote "the barbeque was great, I drank less wine, aren't you proud of me? See how good you are for me?" (he had barbeques at his apt. over there)
And on another page, "You have become the wine of my China life"
On another page he had a list of things to disuss with her, like
1)dancing
2)studying today
3)book you're reading for pleasure
4) Did you get out at all today
and so on..
I am devasted, angry one minute, crying the next. It is especially hurtful that he planned this. We are going to a counselor tonight at which time I am going to exposed this. Does this sound like I have him?
What should I do next? Should I ask for transparency? I am not sure I want to stay in the marriage. I was so lonely for him during this year...I sent him care packages, love emails, and even sent him a gift basket for our 20th anniversary.
