cao428

Thanks 827Aug and Justean,

To update you , we had our counseling session tonight. He read the notes I had copied out of his book and acknowledged they were his, and read them while I wept. Then I read the notes out loud and he said nothing happened physically, but admitted he was emotionally involved somewhat, but said she turned him down and that he was the same age as her parents.

The counselor told him it was very inappropriate what he wrote (one of the things he wrote was "you are the wine of my China life" and he needed to understand the hurt this has caused me. He said he did not say this to her because she stopped him in his tracks...I told him I did not believe a single word he said! She (the counselor) was a great match I felt for us because she was balanced for the two of us and very gentle on his very fragile male ego!

He did say he loved me very much, and I still question that, (if he did why would he wander) but what was disturbing was that after the session and we were alone, and I asked him a question, which was " Hon, how long where you emotionally involved with her? " He got on the defensive and said I was twisting what he said, and did we have to talk about this now?" I respected that he had had enough (a very difficult day) and dropped it. But I now feel he will minimize it, to get off the hook, and so is not taking responsibility. I guess that means the discussions should be in a safe place with her and too fragile to be on our own. I want him to be accountable for this, or we cannot rebuild our relationship.

I do love him and want to work on the marriage, but feel we have to get back into counseling ASAP so he doesn't pass this off..

We are going camping with our daughter (15 year old) and our son has been calling me from China (he is studying Chinese in Beijing at a University there for a 6 week program) My 20 year old son knows some of whats been going on between us but I have sheltered our younger daughter, although she has heard the recent fights but does not know the details. I have talked to her about it and asked her if she has any questions. I just told her we were going through a difficult time but were getting help..she is living in her own bubble (boyfriend and friends, etc,) and is OK.

My son is friends with this young woman as my husband introduced him to her last year while visiting in China (same age-20 years old) , and visited her on his way to Beijing recently this year. My son may be the only link I have to finding out the truth. But I do not want to involve him...I just feel my husband, despite if he loves me, is a liar.

The GOOD thing as I have found a counselor aside from the one to work with us as a couple that can work with me to help me become stronger as a person so I can relate to my husband in a more effective way.

Thank you 827Aug for your response and caring! How are you doing?