Join Date: Nov 2009
| | Re: Caught my 10 year old watching Porn
I know this is an old post, but thought I would share some.
I am going to have to side with Meriter here. Yes, we need to monitor, we need to do our part as responsable parents, but sounds like this MOM was doing what she could, it STILL happened, and will continue to happen IN LIFE outside of the home at times, other kids talking about sex acts in front of your child, sharing pictures, who knows what will come, but we can't confine them to a Bubble or sheild them completely from this world , unless of coarse you Home school them, which many parents are opting to do these days.
I also agree with Meriter that I bet the Husband is not as repulsed as the wife or worried and if he is , he IS in the minority of men who grew up quite normal , even when porn did play some part in their growing up years, even if just magazines. My husband had a collection of 300 Playboys when he was 12, hid it from his Mom very well, he is the most faithful loving man imaginable, never had any kind of sex addiction. He learned most of what he knew about pleasing me (and we waited till marraige to have sex even) from those magazines! But he never ever shared this with me until he felt more comfortable with me talking about sex. Men like to hide their porn well.
Your daughter is just Curious and WILL CONTINUE to be curious, it is best to not shame, but learn to be open about these things with her, allow her to share with you that she IS curious, and that is OK , you want her to come to you about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING.
This is one of the hardest things in the world for parents do deal with, their children's sexuailty.
If she really did make usernames as you said, with such vulgarity, I would guess she has been hiding ALOT already from you, for you to have this kind of SHOCK from this seemingly perfect child.
They will learn it somewhere. I would not read TOOO much into this, I have 6 kids, 5 are boys, my oldest and me talk about sex openly, he even shares his reluctance to NOT look at porn but he is " drawn to it" as a high testosterone male, he is still a virgin, a wonderful son. But it IS a battle and has been for years. I now have a younger son who has looked and I have yet to download something to block it, but I plan too, the husband made a little game of it when he discovered, took some of the things he saved & deleted & stuck them back on his desktop one day so he would freak out. (these things were nothing hard core, some were even sexual cartoons). I know, I know , this is serious, you Moms are thinking, but the husband almost didn't tell me this cause he didn't want ME embarass him!
My husband was adamant about him not being shamed--or I should say , not to ADD to his shame. I think he is right. I am more intererested in my son feeling he can come to us with sexual questions than feeling he has to HIDE everything from us. Maybe we are more OPEN than most, I don't doubt this.
MY oldest thought what his dad did was really funny. And again, he has turned out just fine, functionally normal male, and still wants to wait till marraige to even have sex. He is VERY open with us and I feel I did something right to have him come to this place mentally and freely with us as parents.
Just be careful to not completely destroy the diaglog between you and your daughter with this subject, she will always remember what just happend and how you re-acted and how terribly deeply shamed she felt in your presence. Trust me when I say she already FEELS shame, but is still curious. The last thing you want is her feeling this way for normal curiosity and making it a habit to hide all she is feeling from YOU because she felt so terribly & utterly shamed when you found out.
Just another perspective. Maybe we are TOO open with our kids, they are aware Mom & dad enjoys sex, and we have lots of books on the subject in our bedroom. Maybe We need more balance. This could be true, but sometimes we go TOO overboard in protecting them also.
*****Ironically I just had an hour long sex talk with this younger son, he came in the room while I was writing this, so thought now is a good time. It went very well, not too awkward, he said it was easier than he thought-talking to me, his mother. He asked me questions, he was honest, he even showed me some things on the net, how he struggles with this, how HE FEELS shame for looking, but that it IS good that we did not add to his shame. He wants something on the laptop to stop him from doing this. He wants to do the right thing. He did laugh about what we did , he was not sure Dad did that to his desktop that day, but it did freak him out. I think it was important that we CAN laugh a little about this. It is all about the learning, now we need to get down to business and start blocking.
Downloaded K-9 Web Protection the next day, this is free and works well, except it blocks too much, even YouTube, I unblocked that for him, we all enjoy You Tube around here for music.
Thanks for listening.
Last edited by SimplyAmorous; 05-15-2010 at 04:52 PM.
Reason: added sentence