You might have made a mistake by leaving if you werent positive youd be OK with never coming back. dont worry though. its normal to throw out unrealistic ultimatums in a situation where you feel so helpless so suddenly. believe me ive left my husband plenty of times. you might have lost a battle, but that doesnt mean the war is over
....unless of course you want it to be.
if you do decide to go back, or live separately, maybe your best solution would be to go about this in a round about manner. he obviously has very poor boundaries. perhaps you two could do a boundaries workbook together (Boundaries in Marriage by Dr.Cloud and Townsend is what i do with my husband)?