carmaenforcer

Hi help2008
I too have gone through a similar problems as the ones you have encountered in your relationship. I've come to the conclusion from reading this and other "relationship" forums, that this is all too disturbingly common an issue with couples.
I have chosen to aggressively fight for what I want and need from my Wife, conditioning her behavior with a reward and punishment system that has worked for the most part. It has been very tough though don't kid yourself to thinking things can change in a day, month or even year. I have wanted to give up sometimes, thinking that it might just be easier to let her do whatever she wants but Like you I have a child with this woman and love him more than life it self, mine or anyone else's, so I can't in all good conscience let her jeopardize our family. Some people may argue that no person has the right to tell another person what they should or shouldn't do with their personal lives but I see it different. If your mate is for instance, bad at managing their money to the point of messing up their credit, if you are trying to have a life/future with this person you would and should intervene for the sake of your families future. The same hold true with a person with poor social judgment and or a flawed morals sense, you need to do something before they become totally morally bankrupt and take your family down with them.
In your case, I'm sorry to say that it might be a lost cause if your woman is trying to have her cake and eat it too then that means that your opinions, needs and feeling don't matter and so you have become expendable to her. It's best to start from day one to fight their poor behavior, dangerous social habits, ect. Not to say you should give up, I don't believe a person should ever give up, but you might need to change your game plan and or start preparing for the inevitable.
Like, ljtseng said,
"As long as you keep trying to understand and improve yourself, things will get better."
The operative word in this statement being "your self", that is the only person that you truly can control and change and if you are not strong enough to handle where this road your Wife is taking you and your family down will eventually end, then you should instead focus on healing/strengthening your self so that
it doesn't have to come to "something bad happens".
Trust me, I have contemplated bad things happening if things don't change, but I thought of the consequences for my Son and so I chose to just fight harder, the end will be the same either way, so what do you have to loose, right.