justhonest

Here is my story, My wife and i have been married for 5 years and been together 6 1/2 years. i am 32yrs and she is 27yrs old. Our past 5 yrs of marriage has been great, we travelled, adventured new things, experienced the struggles of life after college together as we pursued our goals and dreams. We don't have any kids. We also as in every marriage had our struggles such as fightining over unnecessary stuff like driving directions, difference in opinions, etc.
our backgrounds are different in that, i grew up in a house with a strong love bond b/n my parents (never ever witnessed my parents fight on saw love). On her part, she grew up with her mom divorced but married to another man who she called dad. Her relationship with her father from what she told me was resentment as her mom did not potray him in a good light though she mentioned the support he strived to provide her and her brothers. Her mom from her description was also manipulative with men, she never held a job, depended on my wife grandmother for all her finances as well as other men,she cheated on her husband, used her to solicit money for her own, took her with her when she saw her lovers and never allowed her to question anything as well as blame her for her failures.
When i met my wife, i noticed in our discussions how she hated lots of what she went through as a child but had never got it out of her chest. She still had a lot of love irrespective of everything and strenght to be able to manage on her own which was a commonality b/n us.
Fast forward to last year, we went through a lot, my wifes mom's second marriage finally caught up to her cheating ways and she separated with her husband, her mom at the same time is also going through cancer, loosing her house as she finally has to come up with her own finances. On our end, we discussed a 5 year plan in which we bought a house, will pay of debt, she would pursue a better paying job that reflected her career goals to help and support us as my income basically paid for most of our stuff and hers only paid for her loans and recreatinal interest. mY wife after college has not been able to stay at a job, she always found a reason (most of which was her not liking someone who had a stronger presence that her) to quit. We have had talks in regards to her proactiveness as she seem to only be reactive in her jobs normally when she either did not like someone there or did not feel the sense of belonging, whether it been the little social groups at work, etc.
As all this was happening, i ws very supportive, i searched for new jobs for her as she was frustrated again with her current job and boss, i encouraged her to pursue better things as her qualifications reflected but she came across very lakadisikal. This led to arguments sometimes as it seem she was frustrated all the time but doing nothing about it. i became very confused, thought she did not care about our plan and began hurting. I told her i was going to hold off talking about her job as it only led to arguments. I internalized the hurt from the situation with the thought that her own realization will lead her to act on her own time. So her boss she did not like left the job and she got a new boss, made some friends, started feeling as part of the circle and suddenly enjoyed the job but complained about the pay. One of her new bosses was a married man with two kids and a married lady with no kids. She went on a conference with them and returned to tell me how the man had marriage troubles and it was all her wifes fault because she did not trust him as he had cheated on her before. She was also insecure about his new frienship with my wife. Sooner than later, i caught my wife in a lie about this guy, saw a love letter she had written to him, a dream note he had given to her about a fantasy dream he had about my wife, and writing from my wife about how this guy was his choice as a man. When i asked her about it, she said that there was nothing between them and all the writing and letters had never been shared with him and that they had talked about their frienship and what it meant and there was nothing there just writings. I asked her to allow me to talk to him and when i did, he came across as he was confused and that my wife might be having illusions and finding ways to push me out of her life. He also said that there were rumours at heir work about them having an affair because they were good friends and he had been asked to maintain distance.
All this hurt me a lot as i for the first time started seeing her in a different light but i loved her and knew i had to be there for her as all she was going through might have made her very fragile to be taken advantage off. She on the other hand became very distant, asked us to separate (she used this word for the first time after a female friend at work who was dating a man in a separated marriage had some talks with her about our marriage). She started saying that she loves me but only as a friend, she did not know what she wants from me, whats she's going through had to do with her and needed to be by herself to figure it out, she needed space, etc. She would also on occasions come home upset only for me to find out that other people took the attention off her male boss(maybe lover) from her.
I also noticed that she had started looking for apartments which she said was for her female boss who needed a place for 6 months before joining her husband who was relocating to a different state. No sooner than later, she mentioned to me that she wants to move in with this lady as she was not happy at our home. I asked her why as i have been supportive and she had the space she needs and i never demanded anything from her but if that is what she wanted, then i support her wish as her happiness is important. The funny thing is that she only wanted to move out after this lady's situation. My wife claims she is not influenced by anyone else but it just appears so and her mother off all people also says she is.We started seeing a counselor which i initiated, who blamed me for not making my wife feel special. It just seem to me that, though i am the one having to dwell with this, i am the one suppose to apologize, chase and beg after her and understand all that is happening. Am i blinded by love. I am starting to feel like my wife is manipulative knowing that i love and care for her,
This week she has worked 24/7 (actually she has been doing this since this new male boss and friends) and when she comes home, it appears she is trying to find a reason to pick a fight as a gateway to tell me what she probably has been planning for weeks. I have an idea that she wants to tell me she is moving out with her female friend as the time has come for her friends husband to move out of state.
Well will add more in my next post as there is sooo much more...but i just want her to just be straight forward to me with her plans about our marriage, the purpose of our counseling and the whole i love you but i do not know thing....She is now all about her work friends as she says, i have met most of them and until now all knew our marriage to be a solid rock....
What should i do now, i love my wife and want our marriage to work, the issues that we claim we have seem not to be why she is acting this way, i am not in any way stoppoing her from her independent goals, interest, discovering herself, if any i have always encouraged it for both of us though i have never felt support from her, is she selfhish, i know she needs me now most than ever but she is making it very difficult for me to be there for her....
If she finally tells me she is moving out, what should i say to her? please help...Thanks