827Aug

I read some of your other post before responding to this one. First, congratualtions on your weight loss. Keep it up!

Like most people on this forum, I have been looking for answers for several months. Along the way I have discovered my problem went much deeper than he had an affair, he lied to me, I gained weight, etc. Remember the old adage which says " I couldn't see the forrest for the trees"? I've been looking at the trees way too long. My new counselor suggested I read some marriage and self help books in my free time to gain new perspectives. Well, I've done that and have found a wonderful book. The book is The Five Love Languages. I strongly recommend you read this book. If only I had read this book five years ago, I think things would have been much better today. Once you read this book, I think you'll see what you need in the marriage and also what you must give in the marriage.

Now, on to the question posed...Don't move out. It cost a lot to keep two households going. And with the housing market what it is, your house could be on the market for awhile. This could be a good thing; it will give you time to work on yourself and your marriage.

I feel you and I are in the same place emotionally. I still love my husband and I want to work things out in our marriage. However, he doesn't know if he wants to. He says it's 50/50 with him. I keep trying to talk to him about "us" and it just drives him futher away. So, I'll tell you what the counselor told me. Start doing things differently and even being a little unpredictable (in his eyes). Go out one evening with friends, or travel out of town to see a family member. Change the way you dress, change your hair color and/or style, etc. And she said to quit being "needy"--don't call him, don't talk to him about the relationship, etc. And while doing the above things subtly put his "love language" into play.