Thanks all for your comments,
Honey28, I agree he needs to tell me the truth and it is bad because he didn't come to his senses BEFORE she "turned him down", which he said afterwards, and I would bet a million dollars he will now deny he said she rejected him. I am so glad this was said in front of the counselor, because she will have heard what I did. What I find he does to cover his tracks, is after he says something incriminating, he will then say he never said that. I just hope she remembers or wrote it down. I tend to think it WAS a sexual relationship, because I know my husband, and especially with all he has been trying to cover up.
It's a catch-22, because I need the truth to rebuild the trust, and he seems to keep lying. He did say he wants the marriage and loves me very much.
We did reconnect this weekend as we went camping with our 15year old daughter and he and I did some fishing together which we haven't done for years and just enjoyed each other. I didn't bring up anything as I am reserving it for the counseling. I have noticed since I caught him on the writing he is much more attentive. (of course he would be) Probably because he knows the chances for losing me are much greater as I caught him and he knows he looks like a jerk because of his deceipt.
Justean, thank you for your input. He did actually say he intended to have a relationship, but didn't admit he was intending sexual, but I know him better and from what I have been reading an emotional affair leads to sexual. He does not feel guilty so that wouldn't stop him, only afterwards he might have but justified his actions by finding fault with me.
827Aug, I agree that the intention is the same, because let's just say she actually DID turn him down...but what if she didn't? And yes, he is only admitting to as little as he has to, which is why I don't believe a word he says, and I said that to him in therapy. He hasn't given me a nano-microscopic centimeter offering of the truth, and has only offered any information at all because of any evidence. Thanks for your advice once again..I know the ultimate decision lies with me and this isn't an easy process.
What IS difficult is I DO love him but it is hard to love a partner that is not honest.
I am giving the therapy a shot, but will make it clear that I will not stand for the continued lies, and I need the truth. (he will not give it) I also have a laundry list of things I need from him to feel secure again, including possibly seeing a priest to renew the marital vows, since I feel they have been broken.