Very good advice Honey28,
For me, I feel connected to my husband one moment, and then I feel the hurt again and angry. Then I feel foolish by connecting with him because i don't want him to think he's getting off the hook easy for how deeply he hurt me.
I agree with what you said that she needs to decide if she wants the marriage or not. Canders, maybe you need to ask her this question as the yo yo interaction is not productive, but if she says she wants it, just be prepared to wait a long time before her trust is built up again.
I also agree with ljtseng that she is trying to keep you at a distance and gets annoyed with herself maybe for being too what she feels is "too nice"