ljtseng

If you really want to save your marriage then focus on the counseling with the pastor right now. It sounds like a reasonable goal that can be accomplished.

I knew when i asked my husband to be honest with me that it was something he was capable of doing. I also knew he would go to counseling. i never asked him to quit looking at porn. I stopped asking him to be more affectionate towards me. Those were unrealistic expectations and demanding those things would only set the relationship up for failure.

If you really want to stay in your marriage you will have to give up some things that you need from her. for now at least.

ive given up a lot for my husband (and visa versa probably) but i really think one day we'll get it back. we are both willing to work on our problems and try to understand each other.

I read a message forum on here awhile ago and i wish i could remember who wrote it because it was such an amazing story to me. His wife had cheated on him. instead of getting angry and defensive he actually went to her and asked her what she gets from this other guy and asked her to let him give her those things. So remember your wife went to this other man for a reason. maybe you should be open to talk about what she gets from this other person and how you can meet her needs more?

And to answer your question-yes, there was plenty of time for sex in my relationship. he was just so addicted to his fantasy world that the real thing didnt 'do it' for him anymore.