stumped

Ok so last night I asked him if he had cheated on me. My husband is a very honest person when asked he just doesnt always offer information. He told me No...but that he had been thinking about it for the last month or so. He said he would not act on it because we are married but the thought had crossed his mind. With one particular person that he is physically attracted to and has been talking to in text messages here and there but nothing personal and he hasnt talked to her about our relationship. She knows he is married and the conversations are light...like how you doing...doing anything fun this weekend. They havent gone out they saw each other about 2 months ago but it was at a group function not the two of them meeting up. Well we ended up getting into a fight which is really the first time we fought since he told me he is unhappy. I yelled at him and told him it wasnt fair that he has been unhappy for 4 years and just decided to tell me about it. He said that he cant talk about his feelings he keeps them bottled up until he just cant take it anymore and thats why he didnt tell me. I asked him if he realized that as long as he feels that way and doesnt fix it he will never have a sucessful relationship...he agreed. He said he has turned into his father which he never wanted to do (father is on his 3rd marriage and he hates his dad) He asked me if I wanted us to just stay married and pretend that we are happily ever after when we arent and for him to cheat on me because that would be what happened. I told him no but I expected that since we have been together for almost 10 years we deserved a chance to make things right. I asked him how he was so certain that we couldnt work things out and we couldnt get through this and he said he wasnt. But he also didnt say that he wanted to work things out. We both cried our eyes out and after the yelling stopped we talked a little about what both of us were lacking....neither of us felt appreciated, neither of us felt attractive....he said that he felt like we crossed out of the married zone and into the friend zone. We talked for a long time I ended up going in his room at the end of the night and laying with him just talking more...holding his hand with my leg draped over him. I told him that I was really glad that we talked and he said why because now you know what a jerk I am...I said no I just am glad we are finally able to talk about stuff. He then said he didnt feel like our conversation accomplished anything and I asked what were suppossed to accomplish and he said nothing....I dont know. I said I am still looking for a place to live. So I hugged and kissed him good night and went to bed. I have talked to him in IM today just about general stuff (he started it) but I am still so confused. I am an idioit to think that this isnt over and can still be saved?

A friend suggested that we do a trial seperation for like 2-3 months and tell him that it is just a trial seperation to see if we really dont want to be together. Part of the problem is last night I asked him if in 6 months he realized he made a mistake would he tell me and he said No. When I asked why he said because it wouldnt be fair to me for him to maybe be able to hurt me again...because who is to say that he wouldnt hurt me again.

So suggestions....anyone