We had this EXACT situation. My drive was off the charts high until I hit early 40's.
A few things that can improve this a good amount:
- Exercise - if you either buy a treadmill or get a baby jogger and put the kids in and run for 30-45 minutes that will reduce fatigue, and increase the hormones that effect your sex drive.
- Teach him how to gently get you going when you start out not so turned on. For me - this meant being willing to give wife a nice long full body massage - by the end of it she felt relaxed and mildly turned on and was willing.
- Agree to some number of nights a week where you just are not going to have sex. Maybe this is 1 night a week, and maybe it is 3 nights a week - but it needs to be something you can both live with. And then either have a fixed schedule or you get to choose what nights you are tired.
I will tell you one thing - my wife WAS frustrated by this while it was happening BUT she is glad she made the effort as we have a great marriage and neither has ever cheated. If she had tried to ration me to an unaccpetably low amount of sex our marriage would not have succeeded. It might not have been a divorce but there would have been enough tension to do permanent harm. Now in year 21 - my drive is much closer to hers. We no longer have any strife over this.
Originally Posted by helpless_wife
We met at uni , graduated, got our dream jobs, got married and had kids, what a lovely life right? Except its not, he was never like this when we were dating, he wouldn't ask for it all the time, and sometimes I would be the one initiating sex.
Constantly, Every single night he would be asking, he even sets his alarm clock 30-40 minutes early before getting up for work, so he can squeeze in a 'quickie' and when I do reject him he is in a pissy mood with me in the mornings. Even if I say I am tiered he just cant seem to understand that I don't physically want to be making love right now. His is the one at work while I am stuck at home with the kids all day. I feel like he is inconsiderate towards how I am feeling, but having spoken to many other 'friends' they say I am the selfish one, and not a 'good wife.
But put yourselves in my shoes, would you be willing to give in every time your husband wanted his needs met?even when you have had such a stressful day with children? Housework ? And just plain bloody tiered?
I also feel like having the kids has changed my life more than his, I am the one who had to leave my job, and be at home. Whereas his life is still pretty much the same, except his a father now. I am not to fussed about this, as I know I can get myself back up the career ladder when the kids are a bit older. But the fact that he can't see me being a bit upset at home alone at times, and than coming home from work and demanding sex, isn't he the selfish one?
In all other aspects his a great husband, and father but I resent him now and feel like my marriage is becoming something I never ever thought would happen to me.
I am not saying I completely withhold sex from him, just sometimes I don't want it, having kids has changed my sex drive I realise that but he doesn't! He is a great lover, and great in bed, its not like I don't like having sex with him, but every time we cuddle or kiss he automatically thinks this should lead to sex! He cant hold me without wanting sex.
So who's unreasonable, me or him? Am I a bad wife?
Seriously, I am not expecting you guys to solve my problem just give me your opinions.