Originally Posted by Scannerguard
I have to agree somewhat with toolate in that I do think during my wife's first pregnancy I didn't pamper her enough. . .some women, like my stb-x, long to be taken care of.
It's kind of a "sugar daddy" thing but there you have it. THey don't want to hear things like, "Hey women in Asia go squat in the field and get back to cutting cane the next day."
That being said, all my advice regarding the long term problem of this and the pattern needs to be addressed. That's why I said give her a year of post-partum before you execute filing for divorce/annulment. But in the meantime, tell her that you would like to pamper her as much as you can but in the same breadth, what she is doing sexually is unacceptable.
Again, without mating, there really is no marriage anyway. . .it's just a legal partnership, simply a mishmosh business arrangement of property ownership and child-rearing. You mentioned the Christian perspective being infidelty as the only grounds and this translates into infidelty. . .no. . .it's not the only grounds.
A marriage can be annulled (From what I understand) on the basis of it not being consummated. And consummation is something that is an ongoing process, not a one time event on your wedding night.
That is, the Catholic Church's position (and we all know how uptight they are on sex) is "If you ain't sc&*&ing, you ain't married. You never were." Honestly, my stb-x and I were never married. . .we were just in business together.
Now. . .this doesn't mean if you have a dry spell that it's grounds for annulment either. There are some reasonable conditions to be met which is why it goes up before a tribunal. For instance, if she had cancer or a rough, nauseious pregnancy or a bout of post-partum depression. . .you can't just walk out because you aren't getting some. But an established pattern of non-consummation is certainly legitiate grounds in the Catholic Church.
Not sure what religion you are but that's a major Christian perspective - you are married - you are supposed to be doing it.
Even though we didn't have sex on our wedding night, I think the marriage is consummated. But basically since about 1 month after our marriage our sex life has been polar opposite...she wants none of it (unless she wants kids) and I need it. Not all the time like she might argue...I just think about it all the time because I never get it. And she'd claim that for a few months we did it once a week...but it wasn't sex IMHO...telling me to "get it over with" or "make it fast" while lying on the bed in a catatonic state while stating from time to time, "no, don't do that" is not sex.
There is a major disconnect here and an argument that over the last 7 years or so we've proven beyond any reasonable shadow of a doubt that we are woefully incapable of fixing. This is why I want to propose counseling.