michelob_64

What do you do when "checking up" on her is ruining your marriage because she feels violated but every time you check you find reason to be suspicious??

I found my wife texting a co-worker and telling her that I had had an affair for the past 3 months, something that is a complete lie!!! She told her coworker that I was seeing someone from work, that she (my wife) was devastated. I am devastated that she is telling her friends that I am cheating. I am not and have not cheated and really don't understand why she'd say that.

During the same time period she is out with friends texting me telling me how happy she is that we are married & how good we are for each other, while telling her other friend she needed to come home because she is having trouble here. A few weeks later she is telling yet another friend that if she ever gets out to CA to see a former male co-worker that it is on.

About 3 years ago I found her having very inappropriate chats with a male friend from her college days, to the point it was more cybersex than chat. They made arrangements to meet months before I found out they were even chatting, not telling how many times they had met while we lived together, or if any. Less than a week after we were married, she made it a point to tell him she was going to be in town & they made arrangements to call & try to meet up. There was discussion of him grabbing her & her grabbing him, questions of “could they behave”, etc. She never told me she was meeting him ever, I just happened to capture the chat without her knowing about it. I can say that they never met that day & I confronted her about it, thought we had worked thru it all. But now I find my self back as square one, I don’t want to look over her shoulder but I feel if I don’t then I’m just being taken advantage of & being played for a fool.

So I'm at a loss as to what to do, I feel if I don't check then I'm going to be blinded sided & that I'm being niave, but at the same time I just can't live like this anymore. I'm so lost on what to do. I've not told her I know about all of these conversations yet.