Re: So scared
Update: had our joint counseling session today. It was made clear that he absolutely still wants to separate. That he is not available to me to have a relationship with. He's still civil to me, and still holds me every night in bed, but WHY? What is the point? As much as I want to cling to every little thing that seems hopeful, my gut is saying that this is just the first step to the end. What is worse, doing it slowly over many months/years, or just ripping the bandaid off and getting it over with?
He's going to take a "business trip" next week during the week, then I'm out of town next weekend anyway, then he'll go away for a few days the following week, and then the week after that, we are taking our 7 yr old son to Disneyland (already planned and we still both want to keep that committment). Then school starts and we (us + counselor) thought that we should wait to tell him that we're separating and will be staying in different places until he's a bit more settled in school (new school year, teacher, etc). That cuts into hubby's 3-month trial sep plan, so we'll run into the holidays at this point. I am hoping he'll have some sort of epiphany during the "trial trial separation" but frankly don't think he will.
I think I need to take my therapist's recommendation and get some medication. I can't stop crying and blaming myself, though I know it is not 100% my fault. I wish there were a magic wand someone could wave over this mess. *sob*
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