Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

dudeman77 · 08-08-2008, 02:15 AM

My wife and I have bee together for 7 years. Living together for 5 of it, bought a house 3.5 ago and married for the last 2 years. We've always kept most of our money separate, with a joint account to pay for joint expenses. When we got married we were too lazy to join everything and did not really see the point since the process seemed to have worked.

My wife is definitely independent, and she has supported herself 100% since she she turned 18. When we first met I was out of work and when i got a job it was low paying for my industry. We were making about the same for a couple years. But, she works in non profit and the salary is pretty slim. It took every penny to get into our house. Since then my salary has grown several times over, and I am able to cover alot more bills then she can.

Anyways, she has been going to school off and on for the last few years to get her BA. But this January we decided she would cut back to part time (go on my insurance) and go to school full time to finish up quick (she had 2 years left). I would pick up the difference from her checks for house payment, etc. and she would pitch in as much as she can.

The problem is that I feel like the money is ours and to me it is not a big deal to pay for her tuition or books or that I am paying the majority of the bills, etc.

She tells me that she feels terrible and hates the fact that i am supporting her and that she can't support herself. She is wanting to overwork or pick up a 2nd job etc just to make a little extra money. The thing is we don't need the extra money. If I tell her don't worry about it, it makes it worse.

It is causing a strain in our relationship. Any thoughts on what I can do to improve things in terms of how she is feeling about it?

Oh one other thing: For me to really relax I like to go on vacation, get out of town, etc. I have money in my account and I want to spend it to take us away, but she feels like we can't afford it - even though I can/we can.

08-08-2008, 02:15 AM	#1 (permalink)
dudeman77 Registered User Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 1	Wanting to make her own money My wife and I have bee together for 7 years. Living together for 5 of it, bought a house 3.5 ago and married for the last 2 years. We've always kept most of our money separate, with a joint account to pay for joint expenses. When we got married we were too lazy to join everything and did not really see the point since the process seemed to have worked. My wife is definitely independent, and she has supported herself 100% since she she turned 18. When we first met I was out of work and when i got a job it was low paying for my industry. We were making about the same for a couple years. But, she works in non profit and the salary is pretty slim. It took every penny to get into our house. Since then my salary has grown several times over, and I am able to cover alot more bills then she can. Anyways, she has been going to school off and on for the last few years to get her BA. But this January we decided she would cut back to part time (go on my insurance) and go to school full time to finish up quick (she had 2 years left). I would pick up the difference from her checks for house payment, etc. and she would pitch in as much as she can. The problem is that I feel like the money is ours and to me it is not a big deal to pay for her tuition or books or that I am paying the majority of the bills, etc. She tells me that she feels terrible and hates the fact that i am supporting her and that she can't support herself. She is wanting to overwork or pick up a 2nd job etc just to make a little extra money. The thing is we don't need the extra money. If I tell her don't worry about it, it makes it worse. It is causing a strain in our relationship. Any thoughts on what I can do to improve things in terms of how she is feeling about it? Oh one other thing: For me to really relax I like to go on vacation, get out of town, etc. I have money in my account and I want to spend it to take us away, but she feels like we can't afford it - even though I can/we can. Last edited by dudeman77; 08-08-2008 at 02:23 AM.