Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

nikon · 02-21-2010, 09:15 PM

Been together for 6.5 years. Married for 3.5 - no kids because he wasn't ready. He is 30, I'll be 29 this year. I feel like this marriage is a waste of time. There is simply no affection, passion, chemistry etc. I won't go into too much details - I am usually not a quitter but I don't think this relationship has anywhere to go. We are almost like a brother and a sister. Actually, I get more love from my own brother. He doesn't talk to me, confide in me, we ignore or argue often. He is a completely different person with other people, but he pretends a lot - I feel like I don't really know him. We live a world away from our friends, our families. One of his best female friends is newly single and is coming to visit us soon. He was extremely happy about this and seems in a better mood lately. To be honest, I love her too - she is great and I know that long ago he wanted to be more than friends with her. I still think he has feelings for her. I find her to be very similar in character than me, she also looks like me - I feel like a replacement sometimes. Anyhow, I told my H we should consider separation if things don't improve soon and he actually agreed. He is a coward and is incapable of any decision-making... but deep inside I feel like he wants out. I want to do what's best for us both - I want us both to be happy (he agreed with this too).

This will sound bizzare, but I want to teach/help my husband to let me go - and maybe be with his friend. I am his first real relationship and I don't think he knows what to do. But I've done this many times before (broke up) and I am not afraid of being alone although this is my first marriage. There is no one in my life right now - but I need to love myself now. I either want a family or not be married. But now I am sure I don't want to grow old with him. I feel like I've neglected myself over the years emotionally and I keep pilling on regrets. I wouldn't mind if he found love again with someone else. I really want him to be happy because I care about him - but what we have right now is killing us both and it would be easier for him (like most men) to hop to another flower and avoid the "down time" - because he is not as strong as I am when it comes to emotional stuff.

02-21-2010, 09:15 PM	#1 (permalink)
nikon Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 78	I want him to be with another woman... Been together for 6.5 years. Married for 3.5 - no kids because he wasn't ready. He is 30, I'll be 29 this year. I feel like this marriage is a waste of time. There is simply no affection, passion, chemistry etc. I won't go into too much details - I am usually not a quitter but I don't think this relationship has anywhere to go. We are almost like a brother and a sister. Actually, I get more love from my own brother. He doesn't talk to me, confide in me, we ignore or argue often. He is a completely different person with other people, but he pretends a lot - I feel like I don't really know him. We live a world away from our friends, our families. One of his best female friends is newly single and is coming to visit us soon. He was extremely happy about this and seems in a better mood lately. To be honest, I love her too - she is great and I know that long ago he wanted to be more than friends with her. I still think he has feelings for her. I find her to be very similar in character than me, she also looks like me - I feel like a replacement sometimes. Anyhow, I told my H we should consider separation if things don't improve soon and he actually agreed. He is a coward and is incapable of any decision-making... but deep inside I feel like he wants out. I want to do what's best for us both - I want us both to be happy (he agreed with this too). This will sound bizzare, but I want to teach/help my husband to let me go - and maybe be with his friend. I am his first real relationship and I don't think he knows what to do. But I've done this many times before (broke up) and I am not afraid of being alone although this is my first marriage. There is no one in my life right now - but I need to love myself now. I either want a family or not be married. But now I am sure I don't want to grow old with him. I feel like I've neglected myself over the years emotionally and I keep pilling on regrets. I wouldn't mind if he found love again with someone else. I really want him to be happy because I care about him - but what we have right now is killing us both and it would be easier for him (like most men) to hop to another flower and avoid the "down time" - because he is not as strong as I am when it comes to emotional stuff.