Hi All,
I need some help, how many times have you read that line? I, like others before me have read quite a lot of threads on here before deciding to put my worries out there. The reading has resulted in a few things:
• Shock at how similar some of the issues I have been facing are to those already on here, I read one thread and could have almost believed I’d written it myself.
• Realisation that I probably already know the truth but am in denial.
• A need within me to think that this site is full of bitter people that can only see the bad in a situation and always end up telling anyone new on here that they are being cheated on. I hope this is true but clearly, if I thought that deep down then I wouldn’t be typing right now.
• I’ve realise how scared I am of knowing the truth for sure and having to deal with the consequences.
Quick background: Have been married 8 years, together 10, have two boys (4 and 6) with my wife and two older children from my previous marriage living with us. Both my wife and I are in our late thirties/early forties.
My story – I’ve been working progressively longer hours for a few years now, I have a commute and am out of the house from 6.30 am to about 6.00pm and work has been challenging. Around the end of October I noticed some changes in my wife, she was being less expressive e.g. wasn’t telling me she loved me, seemed to stop texting me, didn’t always respond to texts, stopped telling me she missed me etc. She then said she wanted to go visit an elderly relative on her own, very out of character and would have meant a night away (never done before).
She also started doing some admin work for a plumber that’s done quite a lot of work for us, I was a bit uncomfortable because she has to work in his house, she tells me he is never there and he has given her a key. I noticed them texting a bit, found a text from him to her saying nite nite xxx (his spelling).
Anyway, to get to the point, I talked to her about how I was feeling, said I was worried we were drifting, blamed me for being distant etc. Said I had even imagined that there might be something going on with her and the plumber. She said she still loves me and wants to be with me and that we are just in a rut and it will take her time to readjust. She says that it has been this way for a long time. I disagree, with hindsight, yes we were in a rut but her change has been within the last few months, when I text her ‘I miss you’ she doesn’t respond in kind but changes the subject. She used to wave
My suspicions are obvious; my evidence to date is slim:
• Text saying nite nite xxx (didn’t copy or confront, felt guilty for looking at her phone).
• Since I mentioned having concerns over the plumber she deletes all texts and phone records.
• She now has the phone on silent and it rarely ever leaves her side, she has also set it so that messages don’t show a preview.
• She went to Toys r us a week or so ago and spent half an hour in a car park on the way (I left my iPhone in the car and tracked her. I confronted her, she said she had just needed space but had phoned the plumber whilst there ‘about work’. She would have lied about the stop off if I hadn’t had the proof.
This guy is going through a rough time with his ex and is having issues over how she looks after their son. I know he has confided in my wife and I worry that the consoling might have crossed a line. He is a cheeky chappy and is the type to flirt but the kisses made me uncomfortable. I hope she is deleting the texts so that I just don’t worry. She says she is committed to our relationship and there is no one else.
I tried the 180 last night and got an instant response, she was very playful and this morning she told me she loved me, first time since I first talked to her about all this six weeks ago.
I’m rambling now, I just want some thoughts. Is this just me? I love her more than anything and have been extremely needy the last couple of months.
To be fair to her, in the last year she has taken on a job at a childrens nursery 3 mornings a week, volunteers for a cat charity and started doing the plumbers work so I guess maybe there were bound to be some changes.
Please help, what do I do next?
I need some help, how many times have you read that line? I, like others before me have read quite a lot of threads on here before deciding to put my worries out there. The reading has resulted in a few things:
• Shock at how similar some of the issues I have been facing are to those already on here, I read one thread and could have almost believed I’d written it myself.
• Realisation that I probably already know the truth but am in denial.
• A need within me to think that this site is full of bitter people that can only see the bad in a situation and always end up telling anyone new on here that they are being cheated on. I hope this is true but clearly, if I thought that deep down then I wouldn’t be typing right now.
• I’ve realise how scared I am of knowing the truth for sure and having to deal with the consequences.
Quick background: Have been married 8 years, together 10, have two boys (4 and 6) with my wife and two older children from my previous marriage living with us. Both my wife and I are in our late thirties/early forties.
My story – I’ve been working progressively longer hours for a few years now, I have a commute and am out of the house from 6.30 am to about 6.00pm and work has been challenging. Around the end of October I noticed some changes in my wife, she was being less expressive e.g. wasn’t telling me she loved me, seemed to stop texting me, didn’t always respond to texts, stopped telling me she missed me etc. She then said she wanted to go visit an elderly relative on her own, very out of character and would have meant a night away (never done before).
She also started doing some admin work for a plumber that’s done quite a lot of work for us, I was a bit uncomfortable because she has to work in his house, she tells me he is never there and he has given her a key. I noticed them texting a bit, found a text from him to her saying nite nite xxx (his spelling).
Anyway, to get to the point, I talked to her about how I was feeling, said I was worried we were drifting, blamed me for being distant etc. Said I had even imagined that there might be something going on with her and the plumber. She said she still loves me and wants to be with me and that we are just in a rut and it will take her time to readjust. She says that it has been this way for a long time. I disagree, with hindsight, yes we were in a rut but her change has been within the last few months, when I text her ‘I miss you’ she doesn’t respond in kind but changes the subject. She used to wave
My suspicions are obvious; my evidence to date is slim:
• Text saying nite nite xxx (didn’t copy or confront, felt guilty for looking at her phone).
• Since I mentioned having concerns over the plumber she deletes all texts and phone records.
• She now has the phone on silent and it rarely ever leaves her side, she has also set it so that messages don’t show a preview.
• She went to Toys r us a week or so ago and spent half an hour in a car park on the way (I left my iPhone in the car and tracked her. I confronted her, she said she had just needed space but had phoned the plumber whilst there ‘about work’. She would have lied about the stop off if I hadn’t had the proof.
This guy is going through a rough time with his ex and is having issues over how she looks after their son. I know he has confided in my wife and I worry that the consoling might have crossed a line. He is a cheeky chappy and is the type to flirt but the kisses made me uncomfortable. I hope she is deleting the texts so that I just don’t worry. She says she is committed to our relationship and there is no one else.
I tried the 180 last night and got an instant response, she was very playful and this morning she told me she loved me, first time since I first talked to her about all this six weeks ago.
I’m rambling now, I just want some thoughts. Is this just me? I love her more than anything and have been extremely needy the last couple of months.
To be fair to her, in the last year she has taken on a job at a childrens nursery 3 mornings a week, volunteers for a cat charity and started doing the plumbers work so I guess maybe there were bound to be some changes.
Please help, what do I do next?