I did something bad.... I confronted him. I was on an all day school shopping trip the other day and was driving home (which is a 4 hour trip) when he didn't answer his phone for over an hour and a half. This was when he was home from work, so I knew he could answer. With my recent discoveries regarding the emails, etc... I just kept getting angrier and angrier. By the time he called me back and gave me the excuse that the cell's ringer was off (accidentally), I just responded with an "uh huh". He asked what my deal was and I couldn't help my self.... I just asked him, sarcastically why I shouldn't be upset. I asked him how I could trust him after he'd secretly changed his password and was emailing his ex so early in the morning. He made excuse after excuse so I hung up on him. I was so hurt and him not answering the phone just fed the fire.
By the time I reached home he acted as if nothing had happened. After our daughter went in the other room, we started talking and he admitted that what he had done didn't look good but swore that it was all innocent. He never did give me a reason for emailing her and only her at such an early hour, but at least he assured me that if he ever wanted to cheat on me, he'd let me know first and we'd split up. He assured me that he would never want to cheat and ruin an 11 yr. relationship. So, I'm hoping I can trust him. He wasn't upset with me whatsoever at looking in his myspace as we have always felt we could do so with eachother.
I'm not nearly as upset as I was before, but I still do wonder why he felt the need to write her then, it just seems so sneaky. He did offer never to email her again but I told him that was ridiculous, just to do so at a normal time of day, say, when the family is around. Sneaking is what made it wrong in my eyes. I truly am not a jealous person, but secrecy makes me worry. LOL
Well, guys, thanks so much for the advice and sorry I didn't quite follow it all.
I did order the book but Amazon sent me the "Men's" edition, have to wait for the correct copy now.