Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - Trying To Decide

MinC · 03-03-2010, 01:45 PM

Hi. I am new here, and my story is probably one that has been heard many times before on these boards, but here it goes:

I am a male, and have been married for over 16 years. I am currently trying to decide if it is coming to an end.

Generally we get along well together. Being human neither of us is perfect and both have our grouchy moments, but for the most part we enjoy each other’s company. The problem is that we are basically roommates more than husband and wife now. I cannot recall the last time we were intimate with each other – it has been close to a year now. I have recently been tempted to stray, and found myself flirting with other women but then pulling back out of guilt (and fear) when things seem to start moving too close to an affair.

Over the past few months I have been seeing a therapist. Initially to deal with stress from work, but our discussions are focusing more and more on life at home, and it is making me think about things. I have been doing some self-analysis and have made efforts to be a better husband as well as more affectionate and attentive towards her. I feel my wife needs to see a therapist as well to deal with issues from her past, and have made the suggestion in a gentle, non-judgmental way. She is not interested in doing so.

I have been feeling more and more hopeless about the situation, and have started to wonder if a divorce will be the end result. There are two things stopping me from going down that road, the first being that we have a 14 year old child, the second that I believe she does still love me (if not physically).

I am trying to figure out how to broach the subject of a marriage counselor since it is obvious that we have problems communicating, and that has to change if we are to stay together. My fear is that doing so will start a chain reaction of ‘whys’ from her about my feeling it is needed, and I am not sure how I would handle it.

I am in a very conflicted state of mind right now. Part of me wants to work on this, part has lost faith our marriage can be salvaged. I’m hoping that I came to the right place to look for some feedback. Any words of wisdom would be appreciated.

03-03-2010, 01:45 PM	#1 (permalink)
MinC Registered User Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Southern New England Posts: 4	Trying To Decide - Please, Opinions Hi. I am new here, and my story is probably one that has been heard many times before on these boards, but here it goes: I am a male, and have been married for over 16 years. I am currently trying to decide if it is coming to an end. Generally we get along well together. Being human neither of us is perfect and both have our grouchy moments, but for the most part we enjoy each other’s company. The problem is that we are basically roommates more than husband and wife now. I cannot recall the last time we were intimate with each other – it has been close to a year now. I have recently been tempted to stray, and found myself flirting with other women but then pulling back out of guilt (and fear) when things seem to start moving too close to an affair. Over the past few months I have been seeing a therapist. Initially to deal with stress from work, but our discussions are focusing more and more on life at home, and it is making me think about things. I have been doing some self-analysis and have made efforts to be a better husband as well as more affectionate and attentive towards her. I feel my wife needs to see a therapist as well to deal with issues from her past, and have made the suggestion in a gentle, non-judgmental way. She is not interested in doing so. I have been feeling more and more hopeless about the situation, and have started to wonder if a divorce will be the end result. There are two things stopping me from going down that road, the first being that we have a 14 year old child, the second that I believe she does still love me (if not physically). I am trying to figure out how to broach the subject of a marriage counselor since it is obvious that we have problems communicating, and that has to change if we are to stay together. My fear is that doing so will start a chain reaction of ‘whys’ from her about my feeling it is needed, and I am not sure how I would handle it. I am in a very conflicted state of mind right now. Part of me wants to work on this, part has lost faith our marriage can be salvaged. I’m hoping that I came to the right place to look for some feedback. Any words of wisdom would be appreciated.