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post #1 of (permalink) Old 03-11-2010, 11:22 AM Thread Starter
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Is this man playing games?

I know this is a marriage forum, but I posted another topic awhile back, and I appreciate the honest, adult answers that I received, so I hope this post is ok. I have found that most advice forums seem to be full of snarky children who aren't capable of an answer.

I apologize for the length of this post.

Years ago, I had a thing for my ex boss. He wouldn't date me at the time because I was 20 and he was 31. Despite the fact that there was no romance, he took me out anyway. Dinner, movies, theme parks, his house. He never touched me though- and I made my feelings for him very clear. Eventually, we had a falling out and I found a real boyfriend, and we lost touch.

I didn't see him for years, but I would wonder about him. I even found old journal entries where I wrote about him. This past October, I considered trying to look him up. I didn't have to. HE tracked me down this January. He found me through a mutual friend.

We chatted on the phone every day for about a month. He wanted to get together. We're both single. He's never been married, but he did adopt a child a few years ago (non biological) and he cares for a sick parent. His mom.

He was going to meet me out at a bar. I was going to be there with some friends. He invited himself. The day before he was in my area, and stopped to see me after he ran an errand. It was only about 20 minutes, but everything was fine. He's gained quite a bit of weight and went a little white. (hair) I look pretty much the same. I'm early 30's, he's early 40's. He called me twice that evening after I saw him- AND that day he touched me for the first time. He hugged me. He had never done that.

The next day, he canceled on me. He said he had to take care of the ill parent. He told me that he was taking her to the hospital. I was ok with this. After all, I still had plans. He didn't reschedule anything, but he continued to call. Sometimes he'd call 18 times in a day. He send me little texts as well. His mom actually didn't go the hospital until that Monday, and she was there for a week.

Two weeks ago, he decided that he needed to do something with his hair. (I'd be admiring Adam Lambert's hair, lol) He asked if I'd go with him. I said I would. For two days, we discussed it. He also told his kid we were dating. * * * ? Dating? He hadn't even asked me out, and I didn't question it. I have no energy for that.

The day of the hair change, he called to make sure I was still going to meet him. I said I was. An hour before the appointment, he called and kind of tried to talk me out of going. He said he didn't want to make me go out of my way for him. I went anyway. It was fine. He had his hair cut into a trendy cut and colored. No more white. When he was done, he practically RAN out of the salon. He said he had to get home to feed his family. I was halfway across the street, but he said he wanted to hug me. It was a tight hug. Long. The second time the man had ever touched me. He called me as soon as he got into his car, and called again later that night. There has only been one day since January that he didn't call. I didn't ever mention it, but he did. He said he was sick that day. He isn't obligated to call every day, so I don't know why he had to justify it to me?

He is always complaining about his obligation to his mother, but he went out to meet some old friends last week, and she was fine at home by herself. Funny how she just happened to be sick when he was supposed to meet me.

Here comes the fun part......the next day, he called and asked me to go to Vegas with him. He had to go on business. It took him 3 days to convince me. Initially, I declined. I would be staying in the same room with him and his teenage kid. I had never met the kid! I felt odd about it, but he reassured me. He was very excited when I agreed and began to make all sorts of plans. I kept asking him for some sort of flight confirmation, but he kept putting me off. (I was going to pay for own ticket) A week went by........he'd call a few times a day, but no confirmation. Seriously......he needed my damn credit card number! Never asked for it. Last week, he said he may have to cancel- due to the sick parent. I didn't even react. I said, Ok, let me know. That night, the trip was 100% on again. This past weekend......100% on. Tuesday night- canceled! Apparently, he couldn't get the tickets........... and the price kept changing. He had told me that his business had a block of tickets that had been purchased. Apparently, those couldn't be used, so he was going through his travel agent. I told him to bag the idea. I said I'd go another time. He was insisting that he wasn't going either because he was also having an issue getting a flight for his kid. Again , I did not react. I was away from my phone that night. When I came back to it, I had missed calls and texts from him. He thought I was ignoring him. When I did finally talk to him, he was a nervous wreck. He kept apologizing, and saying how he had been looking forward to it, and he kept trying to say I was angry and disappointed. I was just being normal. (Actually, I WAS angry, but I didn't want him to know that.) I told him that I'm sure he'll still go, and that he'll have fun, and that someday I'll go with friends. I said it's no big deal.He IS going and so is his kid. I think he's had his plans all along, and wanted to cut me out of them. If that were the case, why did he ask me? Even after I said no, he kept asking. I even hinted at giving myself an out, but he picked up on it and talked me out of backing out. It was SO nice for the plans to fall through a day and a half before I was supposed to leave.

I think he is afraid that I'm upset with him. He promised to buy me something nice while he is away, and now he keeps asking me about shows, restaurants, and things I'd like to do in the next few weeks. He all of the sudden sounded as though he may ask me for a date.

What is this? He plans this stuff, gets me to agree, then gets out of it! Seriously, why is he doing this? I've never pressured him. I have been nothing but 100% friendly with him. What does he want from me?

I am interested in him. Also, I know one of his relatives, and he isn't married or hiding a girlfriend. He's been single for a while.

perkycarrot is offline  
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