| | Re: my realtionship
It comes up now and then, and she smiles and says about not ever having kids but the way this happens it has something to do with her body image. The life she had as a child, how they are lot of work, how she feels if she has a child her life is over she can't do what she wants. I know she thinks to have a child is something that being a women means it's expected she's obligated and it's not something that she should be think otherwise it seems, so she is deeply opposed and doesn't want to think about it to much.
I think I have discussed with her enough on the issue and know her well enough if I bring it up again it wouldn't be wise at least for now. I think it's something that time will tell, I can't get a completely straight answer. I think I do but get mixed signals latter. I think she really doesn't know herself and that she is no way ready for that step or even deciding. It not something that will matter for at least 10yrs but it's something I'm concerned about as I know I do want kids latter.
As far as marriage goes I'm not one to rush in.
This relationship I can't even think of a comparison. It's been so utterly complex and with her mental state of mind at the start being dangerously delicate it sure has been a journey to have her in her current state of being fairly stable and coping reasonably well.
I can't even begin to express the relief when I first could notice changes to her mental state indicating she was improving.
It took so long I was about at wits end and accepting she might be just to psychologically traumatized that there wasn't going to be improvements and I would be best to move on with my own life.
Now I know if it wasn't our meeting and relationship developing I don't know if she would be either alive or if so what state she would be in.
I care so much for her and she is an amazing person. I'm surprised she coped at all knowing all of what happened to her. It has been a strange feeling knowing how much I influence her in the sense of mental health, happiness and general well being and knowing how much she has been relying on me.
I'm just glad she's better not 100% but getting there and it's starting to feel like what our relationship should be not how it has been at times.