| | Re: High School Sweatharts - done after 13 years???
My 2 cents.
You need to lay down boundaries. This is crucial.
This isn't about her boundaries, or controlling her - it's about what you will tolerate, and what circumstances make this 'independent experiment' a deal breaker.
You already know that she is interested in someone else. You are now separated. Unless you clearly, concisely, and explicitly state otherwise ... she IS going to have an affair. At this point, you are all but enabling it by taking yourself out of the picture.
You need to lay out what the consequences will be should it become apparent that she is involved with someone else in any capacity. By stating what you will do, based upon her actions, the consequences will be the result of her choice - not your reaction to her choice.
And more importantly, you need to be certain that you will deliver on those consequences.
That's great that she wants to find her independence. What exactly does independence have to do with hitching your wagon to a new man?
I can get fully behind honoring her wishes, and honoring the marriage.
But odds are, sadly, that she's playing you. Her discovery of independence will likely include the exploration of a relationship other than the one she is now questioning - but doesn't want to let you go in the event that things don't work out.
That is not, and should not be even remotely acceptable to you.
She's bored with you and the relationship. That is what this is. So, make the lines of demarcation crystal clear in what is going on. If she cheats, act swiftly and without remorse (you can do the remorse piece on your own). Take a look at yourself and your dependence upon and need for this relationship. It isn't a balanced equation. Odds are, the less it becomes apparent that you pursue, need, or want her ... the more likely she is to find you attractive again.
But seriously man, you need to spell it out. Because if you don't, she will take your silence as condoning her behavior to pursue greener pastures.