Okay, just had a ridiculous argument....
She always nitpicks what I eat and tells me I mix up weird things. This morning for breakfast, she wanted me to make her ground hamburger and oatmeal. That seemed funny to me, so I tried to make a joke about how that was a weird thing to mix up. She didn't get the joke. I said no one mixes up oatmeal and hamburger ... paused ... except for people making meatloaf! (I was really attempting to make myself look silly for missing that obvious connection and keep it light-hearted.)
Instead of noticing that, she started making fun of me for saying people put oatmeal in meatloaf (which I thought everyone did). She said only bread crumbs are used in meatloaf and continued to make what I'd said sound silly.
Instead of retaliating, I tried to just bite my tongue, but I kept thinking about it. I KNOW people put oatmeal in meatloaf and she really made me feel stupid for saying that.
So, logical man brain kicked in and I looked it up real quick on my phone. Of course, Quaker Oats and a bunch of recipes popped up. I told her, still trying to be light-hearted, honestly NOT trying to be snarky or I told you so-ish.
Boy, was that the wrong thing to do.
She got furious with me for. Said I was a jerk and started yelling. I'm pretty sure she was mad because she had been wrong and was embarrassed. I mean, if I would have looked it up, been wrong about the oatmeal, and showed that to her, she wouldn't have gotten mad and she likely would have said, "I told you so."
You see what I mean? Just ridiculousness. Why are we fighting like this? We do love each other and just a few moments before that we had started the morning off happy. Then things flipped so quickly and now she's just pissed at me.
I really wasn't trying to make her feel bad and I'm really sorry she's upset. I went right in and apologized for upsetting her. But at the same time, doesn't it matter that she made me feel really stupid in the first place?? It never seems to. We never have fights where she's in the wrong, only where I'm the jerk. I say, "You always say I'm the one to blame for everything." She says, "THIS time you are." The last hundred times it was me, too?
And she says to only take care of how she feels. If I've upset her, that's what matters (and that DOES matter very much to me) but she never cares when she does something that upsets ME. She says I'm 'Being too sensative." I'm pretty honest and open with myself, and I live in my head a lot of the time, so I feel I know when I am and when I'm not.
What do you feel about this silly argument and how can we avoid stuff like this? Do I just always have to concede to her? Because whenever I try to stand up for how I feel or what I think is right, I'm the jerk!
And, again, I'm not taking your feedback, looking for everyone to agree with me, then going back to her with ammo. It's not about that.
If I'm in the wrong here, I will certainly take that as a lesson and apply it to my wife. Even if I'm right and I still went about things wrong, I'll apply that. If I'm totally right ... well, I'll likely be too terrified now to say "I told you so."
I really want honest objective opinions, because there are none in this household. And I feel like I'm the most objective, but obviously the way I'm doing things isn't working for her.
THANK YOU!! I know this is a lot to read and a lot of drama. Your thoughts are greatly appreciated!
