| | Re: She claims to not remember. No closure for me.
Communication is a big part of the problem. For both of us. I don't know how and she won't. The big problem started with "confronting her". I won't go into details, but it wasn't "I have this problem from many years ago and I'd like you to help me out it". It was more like "why did you cheat on me you lying *****". Not good. Since then I have pleaded with her to help and she continues to clam up.
What's made it harder is that in all of the talking we've tried to do over the past 6 months, things just keep getting worse. There's always been a lack of intimacy in our relationship, and a few years ago sex just stopped. I made it out in my head to be a big part of the same problem (she didn't like intimacy with me but searched for it in bars, get it?). So I brought THAT problem up with her during all of this. She agreed to start fixing that, so now I have a blow-up doll that breathes. The only difference is that a blow-up doll wouldn't hate sex with me as much.
She claims she doesn't remember the partying. She claims that she DOES like sex with me, it's just my imagination. Fine, the former is MY problem (I let her go out, after all). The latter is OUR problem, but she won't talk to me about that either.
My wife claims to want to forget it all and start over. Fine. I might be able to get over the partying if she would start acting like she wants to actually commit to the marriage. Loveless sex I'm OK with. A wife who'd rather sit in front of the TV than spend time with me I'm used to. The images of her practically running away from her family with no notice, no explanation and no respect to go and party with strange men will be harder. These images of her in a pounding nightclub, flirting with men, dancing with men and god knows what else with men disgust and hurt me. I can't forgive her. I can't get over it.
And I'm trying. I've been going it individual counseling for 4 months now. Seems like a waste of time, but I'm sticking with it. My wife won't get on board. I just think think about things too much, so she says. Forget and move on. If she'll get on board with some if it, maybe I will be able to deal with the rest.