Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - How do you know if your spouse loves you?

BlueCreek · 08-21-2008, 03:11 PM

If you are confidant he has ended his contact with the other woman, that should at least partially answer your question. At some point you are going to have to trust him when he tells you he really loves you, but I understand gaining that trust back after an EA is difficult and will take time. No matter what he does, you may just not be ready to trust his love yet.

It is really important to remember that people show and prove their love in different ways. Just because I might tell my wife I love her and that she's sexy half a dozen times a day (I do, at a minimum) while another man may mention it to his wife once as almost an afterthought when going to bed, does not necessary mean I love my wife more than the other man loves his. Likewise, I rarely call my wife from work, but she'll call me several times a day, that doesn't mean she loves me more than I do her.

You guys really need to sit down and talk about how each of you see love and what the other person does (or can do) to make you feel emotional connected the most (often each partner assumes what works for them will work for their spouse, when they could need two totally different things.) If you don't talk this stuff out, you may be expecting certain signs of love from him but you haven't given him the tools to know what you need, and vice versa. You may be expecting to hear him say "I love you" or "you're beautiful" constantly, but he may not say them because he's showing you love in other ways. Once each of you really knows what the other needs to feel loved and emotionally connected, then you both need to work on doing what the other needs most. (It's definitely a two way street.) If he is really able to start giving you what you need, you'll start to feel that connection you are missing now, and you'll know he is committed to you and loves you because of the effort he puts into it.

08-21-2008, 03:11 PM	#2 (permalink)
BlueCreek Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: Southern California Posts: 76	Re: How do you know if your spouse loves you? If you are confidant he has ended his contact with the other woman, that should at least partially answer your question. At some point you are going to have to trust him when he tells you he really loves you, but I understand gaining that trust back after an EA is difficult and will take time. No matter what he does, you may just not be ready to trust his love yet. It is really important to remember that people show and prove their love in different ways. Just because I might tell my wife I love her and that she's sexy half a dozen times a day (I do, at a minimum) while another man may mention it to his wife once as almost an afterthought when going to bed, does not necessary mean I love my wife more than the other man loves his. Likewise, I rarely call my wife from work, but she'll call me several times a day, that doesn't mean she loves me more than I do her. You guys really need to sit down and talk about how each of you see love and what the other person does (or can do) to make you feel emotional connected the most (often each partner assumes what works for them will work for their spouse, when they could need two totally different things.) If you don't talk this stuff out, you may be expecting certain signs of love from him but you haven't given him the tools to know what you need, and vice versa. You may be expecting to hear him say "I love you" or "you're beautiful" constantly, but he may not say them because he's showing you love in other ways. Once each of you really knows what the other needs to feel loved and emotionally connected, then you both need to work on doing what the other needs most. (It's definitely a two way street.) If he is really able to start giving you what you need, you'll start to feel that connection you are missing now, and you'll know he is committed to you and loves you because of the effort he puts into it.