Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - Wife is a prude but wasn't always this way

nod249 · 04-19-2010, 06:03 AM

Hello everyone, I am new to this site but needed some advice on something that I have been dealing with for a while. First a little bit about ourselves. My wife and I have been married almost 6 years now, and we have a daughter that's a year and a half now. We are both in our mid to late 20s. When it comes to sex I feel like once you are married anything goes. As long as it isn't unpleasant or demeaning for one person, and its consensual, then its ok. That means I enjoy having regular sex as well as blow jobs, hand, etc. My wife however when it comes to sex she is very traditional missionary style, and doesn't really experiment. When we were dating I was very upfront about my sexuality, but she told me that she was uncomfortable doing that stuff, but that she wanted to get there only it would take time. Seven years later and the number of BJs isn't even a two digit number. I thought once we got married and comfortable she would be more open to it but she hasn't. Here's the kicker though. I have learned over our marriage through little tidbits and slip ups that she had a very promiscuous past, and many of the things I have wanted she has done for boyfriends and guy interests, even going so far as to get into a threesome with two guys. When I heard that one I lost it.

Am I selfish for wanting these things, or selfish for wanting her to change for me, or is this a normal desire that she isn't meeting me halfway on? I did very frequently give her what she wanted in bed, but I will admit when it wasn't reciprocated I started cutting back. I thought maybe it was a cleanliness issue so I kept myself shaved and washed thoroughly so I could eliminate that. I also thought maybe it was that she wasn't attracted to me, so I dropped 40lbs and have really toned up and would say I am a very fit individual. I thought maybe it was her upbringing too, but that's out the window with the stories she has told me about her sisters, going so far as to joke around saying one of her sisters has gained weight from all the BJ's she has done.

Any advice anyone can give me? Something I should work on? Or maybe something I can say or do to help resolve it?

04-19-2010, 06:03 AM	#1 (permalink)
nod249 Registered User Join Date: Apr 2010 Posts: 1	Wife is a prude but wasn't always this way Hello everyone, I am new to this site but needed some advice on something that I have been dealing with for a while. First a little bit about ourselves. My wife and I have been married almost 6 years now, and we have a daughter that's a year and a half now. We are both in our mid to late 20s. When it comes to sex I feel like once you are married anything goes. As long as it isn't unpleasant or demeaning for one person, and its consensual, then its ok. That means I enjoy having regular sex as well as blow jobs, hand, etc. My wife however when it comes to sex she is very traditional missionary style, and doesn't really experiment. When we were dating I was very upfront about my sexuality, but she told me that she was uncomfortable doing that stuff, but that she wanted to get there only it would take time. Seven years later and the number of BJs isn't even a two digit number. I thought once we got married and comfortable she would be more open to it but she hasn't. Here's the kicker though. I have learned over our marriage through little tidbits and slip ups that she had a very promiscuous past, and many of the things I have wanted she has done for boyfriends and guy interests, even going so far as to get into a threesome with two guys. When I heard that one I lost it. Am I selfish for wanting these things, or selfish for wanting her to change for me, or is this a normal desire that she isn't meeting me halfway on? I did very frequently give her what she wanted in bed, but I will admit when it wasn't reciprocated I started cutting back. I thought maybe it was a cleanliness issue so I kept myself shaved and washed thoroughly so I could eliminate that. I also thought maybe it was that she wasn't attracted to me, so I dropped 40lbs and have really toned up and would say I am a very fit individual. I thought maybe it was her upbringing too, but that's out the window with the stories she has told me about her sisters, going so far as to joke around saying one of her sisters has gained weight from all the BJ's she has done. Any advice anyone can give me? Something I should work on? Or maybe something I can say or do to help resolve it?