To answer your questions, my husband used to call me 2-3 times during the work day to share something funny, tell me about a customer who irritated him, see how my day was going etc. This stopped a few months ago, should have been a clue! Now that we are reconnecting, its going back to that way (although lately he's not been working so he's here with me since I work from a home office).
But some of the problems we had he did not want to tell me about because he did not want to deal with them. He has a "can't deal with it attitude" which is hugely responsible for what's gone on not just with us but other things...and I enable it so that is my part in this. But I am not as easy to talk to as I thought. Partly he would assume what my reaction would be. I am reactive, but I also calm down. I thought I was easy to talk to but not from his perspective (likewise he's not easy to talk to, he likes to shut down). So we are both working on it. I asked him to tell me when I'm being to blunt or defensive so I could stop doing it. This is working. I'm learning to communicate better and he is too.
So ask him why he didn't share things with you that he did with someone else and listen, really listen with an open mind. Don't allow yourself to respond with "but.." He may not be right, but its his perception. If you listen then he might also listen to you.
Originally Posted by loveandmarriage
I've been married for 4 years. Recently my husband had an emotional affair. For awhile now I have questioned if my husband loves me for me, or just because I am the mother of his kids, or if he even loves me at all. Sometimes I feel it is out of obligation. He is not romantic and just recently started telling me he loves me after each phone call. (It's been about 2 weeks.)
I am hurt that my husband was talking to some other woman (who is married too) about things he is not telling me. When I confronted my husband about a month ago, he was hurt that he hurt me but I am still wondering if he TRULY loves me. So I have 2 questions.
- How often do you or your spouse call you during the work day?
- How can you tell that your spouse loves you?
Please let me know. I am curious to know.