| | Re: What do I do
RWB, thanks for the reply.
You are probably correct. She has told me that she does still have very strong feeling for OM but says they are feelings you would have for a best friend. Her relationship with this man has been going on for many years but only got physical over the past 6 months (I think). The OM has been a friend of mine and hers for over 20 years. She denies the physical side of the affair but has stated she would have got physical if I had let it keep going. I have proof she did have a physical affair with him.
My issue is after her first affair (2004) we discussed the reasons and made commitments to change what caused it. Her main reason for the first affair was I was not around enough and did not talk to her. I changed my ways and made a big effort to get everything back on track. Her commitment was no more male friends and to tell me when she needed more attention. From this point I tried to include her in everything I did that would cause me to be away from her. She became my fishing partner whenever I get to go. She was included in everything I did away from work. Like I said before I do work a lot so the away times for me and her are few but they were always together. So for the past 6 years I have made every effort to be there for her.
Her reasons for the second affair were they had a lot in common and they just got along real well. They kept the relationship in the open most of the time. They would go out to eat together. Ate lunch together on the days she worked. She would go to his house and help him on his computer. She would pick his groceries up when she was in town. I confronted her about the relationship on 4 occasions. Told her it did not look right and it was a direct violation of our agreement from first affair that is when she stated he was her best friend. This is when I started investigating deeper and found the physical side of the affair. When I confronted her about physical affair she said it was impossible because he had ED and could not get it up.
I guess the hard part for me to swallow is I kept my side of the agreement from first affair to change and work on our relationship and she did not. This is the second set of commitments she has violated in our relationship. Now she wants me to commit to a third set and there is no guarantee she will maintain those either. At this point I trust her only when she is in my sight and believe half of what she says.