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My stepson ran away. Help!

2K views 17 replies 5 participants last post by  Memento 
#1 ·
My stepson came to live with us, after being incarcerated. He has a serious addiction problem. He also skipped school a lot and his bio parents dont do anything for him. Hence the 3 ears in juvenile detention.

My husband felt sorry for him, because no one seemed to be able to help and he convinced me that given the right condition, he would do much better.

We went to visit him in JD and he seemed sincere to wanting to change his was. We also told him, this was a one time deal. If he messed up, there was no turning back. Fast forwarding some months, we picked him up, last week.

Things seemed to go very well. There was no animosity, no arguments. We seemed like the perfect family! Well, so I thought. Yesterday he skipped 2 classes and did not return home. We are all stunned!! And we cant stop asking ourselves what happened.

What can we do? Beside warning the J services, which we already did, I am clueless... I guess I am still in shock.
 
#2 ·
What he needs is tough love. If you ever find him, that is. If you find him (he's probably at some drug house, getting high), let him know that he will be returning to his other parent's house, as you and he agreed that one mess up and he was gone. Tell him that if he can give you a good enough reason and a good enough way to make up for what he did, you will consider letting him come back. But the rules will be revised upward and strictly enforced, for his own good.
 
#3 ·
He's going back to JD. He violated his parole. His bio parents are either homeless or in a precarious situation. That was one of the reasons he was locked up, he had no one to take care of him, most of the time. BUT, when his parents stepped up to the occasion, he run away as well. He has done this so many times... It is unreal!
I dont understand!!
 
#8 ·
My husband and I did! We made it very clear, that we were giving him an opportunity to live with his bro, have a normal family live, in a excellent place, with good schools. If he screwed up, there would be no more opportunities.

We spent so much time and money investing on this. In making him feel welcomed and part of our life. We didnt argued at all, there was no pressure, no stress, nothing. We did our best for him to succeed. I just dont understand why this happened!

I also feel like I have failed the rest of our family by allowing him to comeback. I told them he changed. I gave them expectations... It's hard to make them go through this road once more.

All this makes me angry! Our best, was not enough...
 
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#17 ·
Right now, I dont want to have any contact with him. I think he needs to know that his actions have consequences.

My husband already talked to his bio parents because he wishes to relinquish his custody.

This young man as already hit rock bottom, in the past. How many times more does he need to go through this!? I dont understand.

Yesterday, my stepson got 4 letter, from his friends that are in juvie. All those boys were counting on him to do good. My husband and I are thinking about sending them a letter saying what happen. My stepson did not learn his lesson, but perhaps these boys will.

I often think how many children would like to have just one opportunity and have none. And this one has had so many and wasted them all. This angers me.

Deep inside, I knew this was going to happen. I just chose not to see it.
 
#18 ·
I have some update. My husband and I went through the mail he got, since my husband has his custody and he is a minor. My stepson had a homosexual relationship, while he was in juvie. It is also very clear that drugs never left his mind,nor he had plans to settle down.

Juvie doesnt rehabilitate anyone. Quite the contrary.

I have to turn my back on this to save my family. I need to concentrate on them and cut the ties with this young man.

I wish any of this had ever happened!
 
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