Originally Posted by ozarksguy
interesting that we got the same line...very interesteing indeed.
my wife and i were doing better, but now it seems like we're struggling again. i made the mistake of asking her questions again this weekend about whether they got physical... damn me for asking questions
she says nothing ever happened but i just think there are too many smoking guns. i'm TRYING to move on but it's fricken hard... and i can't seem to make her understand that. she goes through periods where i think she wants to help me move on, then she just gets frustrated and pissed again. i will say both times i've confronted my wife and asked questions lately (again how dare i ask questions) she started playing with her hair in an odd way BOTH times, in the exact same manner. now perhaps i'm reading too much into that, but they'll tell you that's one of the signs of someone who is nervous and lying. honestly, i would forgive her if she would just tell me the truth so i would quit thinking and WONDERING about what happened. i feel like she has the power to put my mind at ease, and maybe she has by being forthcoming that nothing happened. but in the back of my mind, i know there was more and she won't tell me for fear that it will rock my world even more. if the OM's wife had the same suspicions i did, about the same events in question... what do they say... "where there's smoke there's fire"...
i will say that my wife has said and done a few things uncharacteristic of herself in bed. a few months ago she said to me "sometimes a girl just wants to get f*****". she has NEVER said that to me EVER before. when we were on vacation she tried to seduce me in the bathroom while the kids were in the other room, and she was drunk at the time. while that was nice, it was WAY out of character for her. and oddly enough, an hour after that very episode, when i took the kids out for a walk on the beach, my wife went to the lobby and emailed the OM that "she really missed him and wanted him to know"... duh....WTF??
Our situations seem similar. I read your posts at the beginning, and their is a lot I see thats the same.
I dont know if its just wishful thinking on my part that it didn't get physical cuz if it did its not the physical nature of it that would get to me rather the lying.
But we are getting better, I went for counselling and the counsellor helped a lot. He encouraged me to get my wife to meet one on one with him so he can get her to admit to herself that what she is doing is an EA. She still won't admit it right out. She only says she is sorry for acting in a way that I felt hurt by. That if I wasn't bothered by what she did it would've been ok. (see my other posts for more details of what happened)
All I can say is that you should go for counselling and have your wife see a counsellor too; separetly at first. She may admit to secrets that she wouldnt admit to in front of you.
Be strong and don't dwell on the bad stuff all day. That was getting to me and my counsellor taught me some coping strategies to keep my mind off the negativety. I know its hard though; I have my bad days still too. I just about walked out on her last week but I cant leave my kids. Something else that helps me is that I tell myself I would forgive her assuming she admitted all so I just tell myself why not just forgive her anyways.
I got her to stop all personal contact with the OM; she still works with him but at least there is no more texting (she also agreed not to erase any more messages)
I hear you about the fact that without a smoking gun there is no way she is going to admit to a full-blown affair. The consequences would be earth-shattering for us.
All the best to you and God bless.