Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

JGIRL · 05-10-2010, 01:43 PM

My husband & I have been married almost a year now, and together for almost 3 years. Unfortunately, our relationship began as an affair. I had just separated from a horrible marriage of verbal and emotional abuse. He was planning to leave his wife in the following six months after several years of unhappiness. We both know that we should have waited until we were both free and available but the ugly truth is that we didn't. When we decided to get married we had many long discussions about how to handle the "past" because no matter what you think the insecurities and worry about trust will come into play when you get together this way. We had very frank discussions about what each of us would feel comfortable with. We each had friends that had been unfaithful in their marriages and we often traveled with them before our relationship. One of the things we agreed upon was that we would not travel with those friends alone any more and would not put ourselves in "bad" situations or circumstances, such as hanging out in bars or clubs without each other.
Now, my husband tells me that we've been together long enough that we should trust each other and he wants to go on beach trip week-end with 5 other guys (3 of which, I have seen behave in manners that while they haven't really been unfaithful would make their wives cringe). I do not believe that my husband would cheat, we have a good marriage and an awesome sex life! I am realistic here though and know that if the other guys are "misbehaving" then it can often spill over to the other guys. I feel like the rules have been changed on me and the guidelines that we set early on because of the manner that we came together are just being thrown out the door. I have not so much as had lunch with my past friend that had been unfaithful and she was one of my best friends. I do not feel comfortable with this trip or the way things are changing, what do I do?

05-10-2010, 01:43 PM	#1 (permalink)
JGIRL Registered User Join Date: May 2010 Location: Southeast Posts: 16	He keeps changing the rules... My husband & I have been married almost a year now, and together for almost 3 years. Unfortunately, our relationship began as an affair. I had just separated from a horrible marriage of verbal and emotional abuse. He was planning to leave his wife in the following six months after several years of unhappiness. We both know that we should have waited until we were both free and available but the ugly truth is that we didn't. When we decided to get married we had many long discussions about how to handle the "past" because no matter what you think the insecurities and worry about trust will come into play when you get together this way. We had very frank discussions about what each of us would feel comfortable with. We each had friends that had been unfaithful in their marriages and we often traveled with them before our relationship. One of the things we agreed upon was that we would not travel with those friends alone any more and would not put ourselves in "bad" situations or circumstances, such as hanging out in bars or clubs without each other. Now, my husband tells me that we've been together long enough that we should trust each other and he wants to go on beach trip week-end with 5 other guys (3 of which, I have seen behave in manners that while they haven't really been unfaithful would make their wives cringe). I do not believe that my husband would cheat, we have a good marriage and an awesome sex life! I am realistic here though and know that if the other guys are "misbehaving" then it can often spill over to the other guys. I feel like the rules have been changed on me and the guidelines that we set early on because of the manner that we came together are just being thrown out the door. I have not so much as had lunch with my past friend that had been unfaithful and she was one of my best friends. I do not feel comfortable with this trip or the way things are changing, what do I do?